Dads and Babies: Help Them Connect

After we spend ten months carrying our babies around, and then almost all day, and night, taking care of them, it's natural to think Mom, and only Mom, knows best. But Dads have a delightfully different way of relating to their babies, and their babies do enjoy this difference.

Give them their space
Though it's hard to resist the urge, there's no need to hover around Dads at all times, ready to rescue your baby if he or she even begins to get fussy in his arms. It may be tempting, especially if he isn't up to speed (or you don't think he is). If you fall into this pattern, and never give him a chance, you'll likely erode his self-confidence as a dad, and your baby won't get used to his style of comforting. Which in turn, will leave you without a moment's peace. So let them work things out on their own. You might be surprised at the techniques your partner musters up to quell a baby's fussing with absolutely no help from Mom. When given the freedom, he may start to develop his own rituals with your baby, like a tactic to make baby laugh, running errands together, or listening to some of Dad's music.


Help them get a little closer
Read reviews on, and then go shopping for a baby carrier together. Encourage him to use it too, because sometimes he may just forget it's there. Baby wearing is especially helpful during the witching hour, (the end of the day, when kids of all ages are prone to fussiness and meltdowns) just when your day tends to be most hectic (mealtime etc). Physical closeness is a natural way for them to bond too, and most men enjoy going for walks this way much more than pushing a baby stroller. He can wear his baby around the neighborhood for some bonding time and exercise, while (bonus) you take a nap, catch up on house work, run an errand, or do something just for yourself. Alone.


Have Dad start at the bottom
Your child will need thousands of diaper changes during the first few years, so why not make these hours count? Even just changing one diaper a day is a great opportunity for bonding. If your baby dislikes diaper changes, let him figure out his own way to preoccupy baby. Encourage your partner to view diaper changing as fun time with the baby rather than simply a messy chore. Though you may be tempted to hover and instruct, you'll have much more success, if you don't scold him for doing it "wrong." There may be a few messes, too loose or too tight diapers at first, but in no time he'll get it right.


Share feedings and sleep-time
Encourage Dad to take bottle duty often. Even after a long day's work it will be a moment for him to de-stress and unwind, and comforting for both of them. Your baby is breast-fed only? Get a good pump, express some milk, and take a break. Try and gently remind him that feeding shouldn't be an opportunity to prop the baby and bottle in one arm while reading the paper or changing channels with the other. Encourage him to make eye contact and even a little conversation, he will likely enjoy the response he gets. If you've fed baby and he or she is getting drowsy, ease him or her off into Daddy's to be laid down. Once baby gets used to Dad putting him or her to sleep, he will be more accepted when comforting him or her back to sleep and, later in life, when a beloved toy is lost, or a knee is scraped.


Put Dad on the night shift, once in a while
Let's be honest here: No matter how tired you are, it's not easy to convince a dad who works all day to spend his nights awake with the baby, especially if you stay home. So try striking a deal. If you feed the baby, have Dad get up for burbing and changing, or vice-versa. If having him help out at night during the week simply doesn't fly, try giving him the weekend night shift instead. It's worth the effort, and you will be lest resentful of him. The peace and quiet of night-time is a great opportunity for a dad and baby to connect too, even if they are both half asleep.


Give Him a "Good Job"
Don't forget to praise his efforts, (even though he doesn't do things perfectly, AKA, the way you do things) and tell him what a good dad he is. He likes to be complimented just as much as you do. Seeing him with his baby will also let you see another side of him, and hopefully bring you both closer.