Curb the Temper Tantrums

It may shock you but the aggressive behavior shown by many toddlers is completely normal. With their language skills still in development, they are easily frustrated and have a strong desire to be independent. It's our job to teach them alternative methods in dealing with these emotions, rather than hitting, yelling, or throwing things. The undeveloped impulse control of a toddler also makes them prime candidates for getting physical. Though some degree of hitting and biting is normal, that doesn't mean you should ignore, or allow it.

Try to respond immediately whenever your toddler is becoming aggressive. Don't wait until he hits you for the third time to say, "That's enough!" He or she should know instantly when they have done something wrong. Immediately remove them from the situation for a brief time out to calm down (it gives you a chance to cool down too). A minute or two is often enough, wait too long and they will possibly forget why they are in there, or become all wound up again in wanting to get out. Make sure you have your toddler in an safe confined area, like a playpen. After a while he'll make the connection that bad behavior results in the consequence. Watching you control your temper when disciplining your toddler may be the first step in teaching them to control theirs. Yelling, or hitting on the other hand may just get him or her even more frustrated or excited, and give more ideas of things to try later on.

Be consistent with your reaction every time, even in public. Take your child out to the car seat for a timeout if you need to. Stand outside the car or sit in the front not facing your child, and let them calm down. It will also help ease your anxiety driven by onlookers. Your predictable response will set up a pattern that your child will recognize and come to expect. Eventually, it will sink in that if they misbehave, they get a time-out.

Try and also praise good behavior, rather than only giving attention to the negative. Children love positive feedback, especially when it comes from their parents. If they share a favorite toy, let them know you noticed. Even at a young age, most toddlers understand most of what you say.

Give your toddler lots of chances to blow off steam constructively, banging on a drum or pots and pans, running around out-side, etc. Believe it or not, they may even be tired and feeling anxious. Try and watch for certain times of day that this behavior peaks, and if it's often a half hour before a nap for example, try putting him or her down a little early.

Sometimes a child's aggression is also a cry for attention. Make sure he gets a fair share of one-on-one time with you or another parent. Try to include him or her while you're doing your chores, or sit and have meals together. If you recently became a parent again, try and include your little one in taking care of the new baby, or place the baby nearby while your toddler plays. Having someone else so close to the ground might encourage fondness instead of jealousy.

If your child seems to behave aggressively more often than not, seems to frighten or upset other children, or if your efforts to curb this behavior have little or no effect, do talk to your pediatrician, who may in turn recommend a counselor or child psychologist. Together you can determine the source of the behavior, and come to a feasible solution.

Remember, your child is still very young. If you work with him or her patiently and creatively, chances are that these tendencies will soon be a thing of the past.