It makes one wonder, why aren't people adopting children from our own city or province? With most women waiting to have children until their late 30s and some having to turn to costly IVF treatments, which don't always work, one would think that there would be more information out there in an in-your-face manner, in order to help find placement for children who need it closer to home. After all, these kids don't need to be uprooted and flown across the ocean, taught new languages, adjust to a new diet, and they need to be adopted just as any other.
There definitely isn't a shortage here. In fact, there are currently more than 600 children who are in the care of the NB provincial government. Most are aged between 3 and 12, there are siblings, children with special needs, and even babies. Like children abroad they are there for a variety of reasons. For some, their parents are not fit to offer good care or provide a safe home, did not indicate who the child should be left to before they passed away, or decided to place the child into adoption services rather than abort the pregnancy. All children need homes, and for someone to love and care for them, picking up where their birth parents left off.
In regards to international adoptions, thousands take place in Canada every year, in comparison to only hundreds of domestic adoptions. Expenses to adopt internationally vary from 15,000$ to 30,000$, compared to 6 to 12,000$ to adopt in Canada. There are even groups and organizations who will place want-to-be parents with expectant mothers who are unsure if they can provide for their unborn child. So, why are parents heading elsewhere?Considering the difference in cost, one would think that people would choose to stay in Canada when on the hunt for a new family member. For those who conduct their own search through the internet or newspaper classifieds, it will in most cases cost less rather than those who choose to go through a private agency. But in some provinces, direct advertising is not permitted, making the process more difficult, forcing hopeful parents to go elsewhere as a result of frustration and impatience.
The advantages are more than just cost when adopting from another country. Wait times are usually shorter because many of the children are abandoned, the orphanages are crowded in countries like China where families are allowed one child, and desire boys, making the girls orphans, and the risk of the birth mother changing her mind to raise her own child are not nearly as common either. For gay couples, single individuals, and older couples, there are fewer constraints and requirements, speeding up the process for someone who may have been turned down, after applying in Canada. So for parents who desperately want a child, and when there is no limit on spending, it's not so surprising why so many are hopping on a plane to seek out that new addition.
But just like there are pros, there are cons. Although the majority of foreign children are healthy, a good number of them are still considered high risk, having spent most or all of their months or years in orphanages with substandard living conditions. They will likely have experienced a lack of stimulation, poor nutrition, and physical and/or sexual abuse. It's estimated that institutionalized children lose one month of linear growth for every three months in an orphanage, resulting in developmental, social or emotional problems similar to those of children with special needs. They require extra care than most expect, and many new parents are unaware and unprepared for this hurdle, because not all foreign countries take the time to properly educate, nor is it always mandatory.
This is not to say that NB orphans don't need extra attention either. Any older child especially, who has been in and out of foster care, and a son or daughter of the province, will undoubtedly need time to adjust as well, but experts believe older international toddlers and children have a harder time adjusting to a new culture and language, and were surprisingly happy, and comfortable amongst their teachers and peers in the orphanage. However, these challenges, like most in life, can be overcome with time. With the right support, conditions, and resources, children with developmental delays can catch up.
But, according to Canada Adopts, there are still limits to what a parent can do. High risk children will require extra help and attention and will severely test one's parenting skills. Many working moms have said they had to leave their jobs unexpectedly to care for their new child, when they had intended on only staying home for a few months to help them adjust. For some this ends up putting strain on a families finances, marital relationship, and can be stressful for any previously existing children. This can sometimes cause resent towards the child, leaving everyone in the home on edge, and the young child feeling irrationally out of place, or not wanted.
Some parents can also become irrational, and feel like they can never do enough to live up, and develop a type of jealousy towards the child's birth parents. Canada Adopts warns potential parents that many children adopted from overseas experience the same sense of loss and grieving as children who have lost a parent they knew. The fact that the child's birth parents live in another country or may have passed away is no guarantee that they won't wonder what happened to them, or decide to search for them one day, leaving some adoptive parents feeling "unneeded".
Canada Adopts also says that many international adoptive parents fail to realize that they are also most often adopting a new culture along with their child, and later on have trouble coping with these issues, seeking support. In most cases, the child's race may be different as well, and many of these new parents do not have the resources and have not educated themselves on these issues, cutting the child off from their culture and country completely.
There are however alternative options for parents who want a child quickly, but don't feel that they are financially or emotionally prepared to raise a child from another country and culture. Signing up with an agency will increase the chances of finding a child or baby closer to home. This also usually allows for an open relationship with the birth parents if desired. The child's heritage, and family health history will never be in doubt, the adoptive parents will know enough about the birth parents to later pass on to the child, and questions that will undoubtedly arise in time will be able to be answered about the child's identity. Occasional visitations can also be arranged privately this way, allowing the child to have a better grasp on their family dynamics, and why exactly they were put up for adoption in the first place. This can also quell negative feelings towards themselves.
The biggest downside to private domestic adoption in New Brunswick is the lack of available newborns. The vast majority of women today who have unplanned pregnancies either terminate it or end up deciding to raise their child themselves. However there are groups and organizations which help unite potential parents with birth mothers. Allowing for a young mother, or a victim of rape for example to feel more at ease about the decision to place the child up for adoption.
One of the most common concerns that parents have in domestic adopting is that the birth mothers can change their minds and decide to raise their babies by themselves. There are restrictions as to when she can do this (21 days), but it is her right, and hopeful parents should respect this, as though it may be in the best interest for the child, it would also be a difficult decision for the mother.
If you are considering adoption, either domestic or international, make sure all areas are researched, from your community resources (should you need help), to the possible worst case scenario, and how you and your family would deal with such an event. If you think you are up for the challenge, try finding a support group of other families who have done it, and get some feedback, because unlike the latest fashion, a child cannot simply be returned when one decides, it wasn't the best choice after all.
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