"My daughter is 2 months old. Everyone always tells me about love at first sight, but I don't feel like I love her and I feel terrible about it, I want to love her, but I can't help it. Why am I feeling this way? Help! I feel like a terrible mother."-Anonymous
9 comments:
You're not a terrible mother at all. Sometimes it just takes a little more time to get that bond with you baby...especially if you had a rough pregnancy and delivery or you may have a touch of baby blues or post partum depression. Add to that the stress being a new mom can bring and what you're feeling is totally normal. Don't worry, you'll get there! I remember feeling so guilty because I didn't feel like my son was actually MY son...it felt like an extended babysitting trip most of the time and I did have a touch of PPD.
i had PPD too and i felt like that with my daughter i think that for the most part nobody really falls instantly in love with their baby. the whole motherhood deal is so idealized on tv and media when the reality is the fact that you have a baby that cries nonstop and you go without sleep for at least the first couple months. nobody feels that blissful with no sleep lol
Personally I believe in love at first sight, because that is what it was like for myself and my daughter. I have heard from so many different Mom's about it actually taking a while though. If you find yourself really depressed or just not happy I would suggest contacting your doctor, and don't worry PPD is a very normal thing and your doctor will not pass any judgements. You are making the first step posting your comment here, help and response from other mothers being the same position as you definitely helps. Good luck!
Well this is from a guys poitn a view...so not a mommy.
But have seen allot in my life...my advice to you...don't worry. it'll come. just be sure that baby gets the food and sleep and everythign it needs and as you watch it grow up in time it will happend...you will just get a connection.
liek when you see the baby smile at you becasue it reconised YOU and when you hear it garble and make baby noise as if it is tryign to talk to YOU.
YOU are the most important thing in this babies life. and no matter what you do...that bab y will allways look up to YOU.
Simply put YOU are a beautiful creature that has given life. and only YOU will be able to realise that when the time is right.
So in other words...love life and enjoy that new bundle of joy you have. and don't forget to think positive....it will make a huge differentce.
Thanks for your input everyone, hopefully things start looking up for me.
one way i really bonded with my baby was simply holding him when we were in the hospital. Also when he would wake up in the night I would just hold him and sway back and forth with him. When they cuddle right into you it's a nice feeling
I also kept a lazy boy rocker in his room. When he was really little, I would give him a bottle right before bed. I found that when he would fall asleep on me that he was so cute and peaceful that it was hard not to love him in that moment.
Crying can be really hard to listen to. Hopefully you have someone to share this new work load with you.
It's hard to love a baby to when you have this image in your head of how cute he or she will be and they come out all purple, gooey, and crying, not to mention some are squished and some are swollen.. give it time :)
I just had my fifth baby and had a very difficult end to my pregnancy. I might have had post-partum depression with one or two of my others, but no enough I wasn't functioning, very mild. However, this time was very hard. The weird thing was, I wasn't struggling so much with loving our new daughter, but with loving the four older children. I was also crying a lot, and it takes a really big deal to get me to cry usually. Anyway, Donna (lactation nurse at DECH) recognized what was going on when I was in for a mother-baby check-up at three weeks. She sent to talk to Beth Godbout (social worker) and both of them put a call into my dr. Since I was headed there afterwards for an appt., it was helpful that he already had a heads-up that things weren't right. He was great about it, and since going on medication, I've been doing much better. I was sure at one point I would never get out of bed again, let alone want to be around my older kids, but I'm back to normal now. You may be struggling with PPD, and though it's hard, it is worth getting help. You're not a bad mom, or a failure or anything. Motherhood is HARD, bottom line. I hope this helps, and you're able to find a way to bond with Baby.
I went through the same thing. I didn't want Lauren to be affected by my depression (or indifference, is how I felt. I could take her or leave her). I would smile and talk to her, but I'd say stuff like "Mommy's crazy" and "I'm trying my best, baby" but in a really happy voice.
I figured that though she didn't understand the words, she'd see I was trying to love her, by smiling, talking and touching her. It's all about your interaction.
I'm actually a mentor with the MOMS program. We're moms who've been through PPD who mentor moms currently dealing with PPD. You can contact me if you want and I can try and help you.
kelwan21@hotmail.com
I personally have never experienced this with my children - however in my opinion, you are a good mother because you are recognizing there is an issue and you are looking for a solution. This is a very difficult thing to do and even harder to admit. Your doctor will know exactly what to do to help you. Don't be afraid to tell him - they have seen it many times before you are NOT alone.
Good luck :) You will come out the better end of this.
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