"Hi, I'm 19 and almost 7 months along, its been real "messy" with the father during this & he basically hasn't been there and its just been really hard and I'm nervous for what's to come especially being so young & not having that support, so if anyone has any advice on being a young mom, or single mom, or anything at all I could really use it, thanks."-KLA
8 comments:
for stuff you have to have for the baby, shop second hand and garage sales, just be sure to sanitize! Money isn't a huge problem for us but I still shop mostly second hand and garage sales.. babies grow so fast, there is no need to spend a ton of money on most stuff.
Kelly
I can relate to your situation. My oldest child was born when I was 16 and I had my second when I was 17 ( I didn't have my third until I was 44, but that's a whole other story, LOL!). I was married to their dad, but he was emotionally unavailable or worse for most of our 15 year marriage. I was responsible for 99% of the childcare and all the household chores too, so being a single mom would mostly likely have been easier since he was drunk and abusive much of the time. My older kids are now 29 and almost 28, and they turned out to be wonderful, responsible and productive human beings despite all the mistakes I made because I was young, stressed and inexperienced. The most important thing you can do is love that baby with all your heart and spend as much time as possible with him/her. No matter what the baby is doing that drives you crazy at the time, you need to remind yourself that things change, babies grow and the behavior that is making you crazy will soon pass.
Even though the father may not care to be physically present, he still has a responsibility to support that child financially. I ended up not getting any child support when I did finally divorce my first husband, and it was often a struggle just to keep the kids clothed and fed with a roof over their heads. I let fear of my ex keep me from getting the support the kids deserved and would've benefitted from, but I don't think I'd make the same mistake if I had it to do over again.
I wish you all the best. I know you can be a wonderful parent, no matter what circumstances you find yourself in.
Janelle
Good luck! Parenting is always hard but so very worth it. He may be a deadbeat (and please do get the support your child is owed), but he will be the one missing out on your beautiful child's life.
Hi, I know how it feels,it is exhausting and emotionally draining! I had my third child after I was divorced from my first husband. I was different in the fact I was short term friends with the father that became something more for just one night! (A very stupid move on my part, as I was 24 and already a "single Parent"!) Anyway... I chose to not have the father around at all...and he did not protest at all. I put "father Unknown" on the birth certificate and to this day don't even know where he is. However; that put me in a position for no child support, so I had to provide on my own for my son. I did the second hand and yard sales, and we made out fine. He is 8 years old now and lucky for us when he was 2 we met a wonderful man who married me and legally adopted him! I don't regret my decision for a minute. The rollercoaster ride we would have been on with his biological dad would have been crazy...As I found out later he was a heavy drinker, drug user and loved women...any woman at all!! I think it is important the child be loved. If one parent choses to not be involved...his loss. The child needs to feel loved and wanted more then having a fancy nursery, or all the latest "toys"
Best of luck, and my prayers and wishes are with you.
Best advice I was ever given (and I'm not a single mom) was to take all the help you are offered. Take advantage of every offer of help and every program you can get into. Parenting is hard enough when you've got 2 of them there!
The Fredericton YMCA has a program for single moms that pairs them up with another Mom for support. You should look into that.
all i can tell you is not worry about the latest, best toys and baby things around. shop second hand, (sometimes you get real lucky - i got my crib minus the mattress which was mine when i was a baby for a dollar) if people ask you what you need for the baby tell them (ie. clothes diapers, wipes, formula [if not BF]or anything else). you don't even really need many/if any toys. just make games or even you're own toys. it is hard raising a child but it is very workable. just make sure baby knows s/he's loved.
I am a single mom... take all the help you can get! It is very hard but just show that baby all the love that you have, remember it will get better and you'll do great. You are a great mama! If you ever wanted to chat sometime, I could give you my msn.
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