It's OK to say no

No one wants to raise a spoiled child, but achieving this admirable goal takes some skill and parental tenacity.

Moms and dads love their children and usually just want what’s best for them, but taken to an extreme this can cause the dreaded "spoiled child syndrome." Some parents get anxious when they think they’re disappointing their kids. They get concerned telling their child "no" will somehow wound their self-esteem or even worse, get them to feel deprived and unhappy.

Here’s the good news: helping children learn how to tolerate frustration helps them to build their inner sense of resourcefulness and determination. It also prepares them for the real world. Ultimately, setting reasonable and consistent limits will help turn your lovable wonder into the responsible and social person they were really always meant to be. And what could be better than that?

Realize it's a parent's job to say "no." This word helps prepare kids for the real world, because the real world is filled with a lot of frustrations. The word "no" helps to build character. By learning how to deal with this concept, children learn how to get used to delayed gratification and impatience, which in turn helps them to be less self-centered people.

Children need their parents to set these limits. Contrary to how it appears, kids feel safe and loved when their parents stand strong in the face of their tantrums and manipulations. Kids don’t want to feel like their parents are weak and that they, as kids, have all of the power.

Things might seem worse before they get better. Don’t give into the whining and crying. Stay strong. Wait and pause, help your child talk about what they want before making any final decisions.

Put desirables out of sight. There is something to be said about "out of sight, out of mind." Why make your job more difficult than it has to be?

Help children work for what they want. Give your child chores. This helps them to understand they must contribute and develop a sense of responsibility in order to get some of the perks in this world. Praise them when they comply with your new house rules. Giving chores is a key way to raise an unspoiled child.

Published in Cookie Magazine