"I am a mom whose man is away out west. I want to start a topic for other moms like me. Because I think it is so hard, I feel really alone right now. I am doing everything now! I didn't realize it would be this bad. I want to tell my boyfriend to quit and just come home and find a job here. Is that selfish? Do any of you women who are in my situation find that it gets better? Thanks"
Anonymous
10 comments:
I would give it a little bit of time,. How long has he been gone, and how many kids do you have?
My husband is also away for work quite often. He doesn't work out west but is gone for a month or longer, home for a few weeks, gone again, etc. The problem in that situation is that when he is home, he usually only wants to rest until he is gone again rather than spend time with the family! It is very difficult and I often feel that I am doing all the work at home and also the one making all the sacrifices. Giving it a bit of time might work (as suggested by Jess) if you are overwhelmed with a little one at home as it does get easier as they get older, and you get more rest yourself, but I have to say that I have been going through this for a few years now and things are not getting any easier. I'm sure that as long as you could keep the lines of trust and communication open and strong, things could work but that is something my husband and I have lost along the way. I don't mean to sound depressing but believe me when I say that I truly understand how difficult it really is and how much more work it is to keep a relationship going strong in that type of situation. On a positive note, at least you're not alone!
Where exactly is your husband working?
My husband is also out West, he works for a company out of Calgary but they send him over Alberta and BC to work, its tought because he only comes home every 2-3 months and usually only for 1 to 2 weeks, he came home from May-July this Summer (their down time) but has been back there since July and only coming home in 2 weeks for a week.
What is it you do? How old are your kids?
I have an 18 month old and pregnant with #2, I'm also a full time engineering student, lets just say that I don't have much time to get lonely because Im so busy all the time. Its really important to have a great support system and people around to help you, its really easy to get overwhealmed when there is noone else you can count on to get a break and I know I often unfairly take it out on my husband on the phone. I have a lot of family and friends to help me out and often I need them to help me so I can study or write a midterm/final, it makes it hard because I then feel like I cant ask them to watch my son so I can take a night off, I feel like it is my responsibility to be with him at all times other than when school intefers with that and somedays I really think that I will burn out.
I've been doing this for a year now and its working for us although hard at times.
he is out west like everyone else from the maritimes. sometimes i wonder if it would be better if he worked at a macdonald here in fredericton, at least we would all be together and maybe a little bit poorer but probably more happy.
Mayghan i dont know how you do that! it must be so hard. only every few months? Maybe I am just selfesh I guess but I would tell him to just get a job here it doesnt seem like its worth the trouble and heartache.
why risk your relationship just so you can live a certain lifestyle. would you rather just have your man? maybe i am just babbling now... I feel so down in the dumps today
For us its not worth him getting a job here, he makes a lot more there and he ever would here and we need the money to pay off debt (we'll revaluate once we are debt free and see if we can afford it). I'm in school here so I have to stay, and then there is daycare to pay and all our bills, someone has to pay them and I cant take on a job on top of everything else so this is the best plan for us.
Maybe the huge difference with us is knowing its only temporary, as soon as I graduate we will be looking at either all moving our West or staying in the Maritimes and at that point I will be able to make more money than he is making now, so as much as it sucks it will be worth it.
I guess it depends on why your doing it, you mentioned risking a relationship for a lifestyle, and honestly I think Im risking our relationship a lot more by adding huge financial strains to it and what we are doing, and our were not living a lifestyle with tons of money, our son has all that he needs but we dont have this lifestyle that requires a lot of money, we just need to get by and not drown into debt and at the moment this is all we can do..
Hope that makes sense
Honestly, I think it is a little selfish to want him to be home and in a job that might not be fullfilling for him when he's probably doing this to make you happy and to support your family. Myself, if it came right down to it I think I'd have to suck it up and move with him. I wouldn't want to be away from my husband and I wouldn't want my kids to have to be away from their dad like that.
I think you just have to be positive and try and focus on the good that will come of this. We live in the Maritimes and unfortunately money and jobs are so competitive that there are many people in your situation. You are both making sacrifices so its just as hard for him.
I have always been the working mom and now I'm on early Mat-leave and its been quite a change in itself. My hubby is away right now working in Sarnia and it’s been hard but I have also found it has given my daughter and I time to really bond more. Financially its given us the ability to start saving for a down payment on a house and still feel like we are comfortable.
You aren’t selfish for thinking you want to tell him to come home. I think that’s just part of loving him of course you want to be physically close. Maybe you could try and redirect your thoughts so that when you think about being lonely, replace it with something positive that will come from this experience. Take it one day at a time and you will get through it.
i'm in the same situation a 16 month old & pregnant with #2 , josh is away for three weeks, home for one ..which is not too bad but since we live in the country i find the part that bothers me the most is just plain having no other adult to talk to ...so the only advice i can offer is what i try to do and that is try to stay busy.... i try to plan the week with something to do out of the house at least every second day ..even if it's just to go visiting friends and family .. i also love to shop so i always look for sales and go to stores just to look around to fill my time ( i also rent movies , read books , etc)
I'd love for him to be home but i love him even more for doing this just for our family (he really hates it more than i do )...
Candace
We dealt with that for the first year and a bit of our daughter's life and then I had enough. We are a family and need to act like a family unit. Being home every once in awhile just doesn't cut it. Our daughter needed her daddy around, and I needed him around as well. We took a pay cut but my husband is home everyday and has weekends off, but we as a family are much happier. It's not about the money, it's about what works for you as a family.
My husband has been wanting to go in the army for years, to make more money so life would be easier. Even thoe one of our kids is in school full time and I only have one at home I still cant let him go. I personally could never deal with being alone, my marrage would fall apart but I must say all you girls that can do that, I wish I could be a little bit like you.
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