"Mommy, Mommy!" You leave your child in her day care room. As you are walking away, you feel like you have just abandoned this helpless child. The screams are getting to you. "Mommy, Mommy, I want my Mommy!"
Your heart is breaking but your head tells you to get out of the hearing zone. How can I deal with my feelings of guilt? Am I a neglectful parent because I chose to leave my child in daycare?
The guilt is overwhelming. How could I leave my child in such a state of panic. Am I leaving my child in the right environment? How long does it take for children to adjust to a new daycare? Should I remove my child out of the daycare?
There are some things to look at when you place your child at a new daycare. Your feelings, the daycare, the educator and your child are all factors to take into account...
First you must deal with your feelings of guilt. Who wouldn't rather stay at home and be with their children all day long? But we are in the 90's, and both parents are probably in the work force. When you start feeling guilty about leaving your child behind, let your head guide you. Financial and daily obligations are a reality. Don't listen to your heart or you'll tear yourself up.
Another concern is, where are you leaving your child? Had you carefully checked out the daycare before hand? Follow your instincts. Show up at the daycare unannounced when your child isn't expecting you. See for yourself what's going on. Be sneaky. Don't show yourself but be close enough to hear what's going on. This will reassure you that your child is doing fine when you're not there. You can then leave feeling more secure. Everything you hear and see is fine, you can leave. Don't let your child see you if you have no intention of taking her away with you. You'll get her upset again.
You can also talk to other parents at arrival and departure times. You might find out that your case isn't so unique. See how other children are reacting. Do they seem to be fitting in? Children often don't react the same way in the presence of their parents.
If your child stills seems upset, look at your child's educator. Take a few minutes and get to know her. It's time well spent. Ask your child's educator important questions like does she have proper qualifications? Does she have her first-aid course? Does she have children of her own? Observe if she really enjoys children and if the children enjoy being around her. Are there scheduled daily activities, signs of animation in the classroom, lots of toys?
Most important be sure to take an honest and an objective look at your child's character. Is your child used to getting her way by whining? Does your child have manipulative skills? Can she get anyone to do things her ways - YES even if she's just a toddler? Is your child the emotional type? You need to evaluate her behavior at the daycare when you are present and when you're not.
Maybe the crying segment at the end of the day is just because she thought you might have forgotten about her? Maybe she's just glad to see you? Or maybe she just knows how to make mommy feel terribly guilty. Share your findings with your spouse. Maybe your routine needs some adjustment. Try taking her in later or earlier. Let Daddy take her to the daycare.
The worst thing you can do is to give up too soon. It is like when you arrive at a new job. Even as adults, we would definitely take a certain amount of time to adjust to the new routine,. The ins and outs of the workplace and to get to know the people as well.
Children in a full-time daycare setting need an average of a good month to get a feel for the place. Children who attend daycare on a part-time basis need any where from one to three months to adjust. Before removing your child from the daycare, ask yourself if you have given your child enough time to get adjusted? If you pull out your child too soon you might give the child the impression it is okay to give up if something isn't working. Try to show them that things workout if you are persistent. Help them to solve their own problems, develop social skills, and to learn what life's all about.
After you have considered all these factors, you should have a good idea what to do. If your child is not adjusting, you may then reconsider removing her from that environment. At least you know you have looked at all the possible factors in helping your child adjust to daycare.
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