By: Michelle Roberts
You turn to walk out the day-care door, and your baby looks at you with those big round eyes, pauses and ... happily waves goodbye. This is what you wanted, right? A guilt-free exit before going to work. Why, then, is there a lump in your throat?
We all want our children to feel safe and secure with their caregivers. But if, like many working moms, you fear your baby will develop a stronger bond with her day-care provider than with you, here's comforting news. A comprehensive study reported in a recent issue of Child Development reveals that, while parent-child and caregiver-child relationships share important similarities, children are much more likely to form secure attachments to their moms and dads. "It's healthy that parents want to be the primary people in their child's life," says Eileen Brennan, PhD, a work/life and early childhood researcher and associate dean of social work at Portland State University in Oregon. "And this study reassures that a caregiver most likely won't take over this role."
The research also suggests that the longer children had been enrolled in a day-care facility, the more likely they were to have secure relationships with their care providers—also a good thing, says Dr. Brennan. "Rather than being concerned that your baby will bond more closely to a caregiver, focus on finding consistent care that will encourage her ability to bond," Dr. Brennan suggests. "Kids need to feel secure that there's a caring adult they can go to when they're hurt or scared. Continuity of care is critical for that."
Still, you want to stay connected to your child all day. Make sure your caregiver knows to call you when important matters arise—if your baby is injured or ill—so you can respond quickly. Also tell her you'd like to be called when your little one reaches a major milestone, so you can offer congratulations.
Ultimately, it's the quality of your child's relationship with you that forms the basis for other interactions throughout life. By providing a loving, nurturing, predictable environment—at home and away—you help build security for your child that lets her explore, learn and form a multitude of positive relationships.
Bright Little Ways to Bond
Here are three simple strategies for making the most of your together time:
Tell stories and sing songs while commuting. Babies and toddlers enjoy the repetition of favorite tales and tunes—and especially Mom's voice. Your child will look forward to this special time with you in the car or on the bus each weekday morning.
Make ordinary tasks a treat. Maximize your mornings, sneaking in some fun by, for instance, buying colorful toothpaste and brushing away together.
Enjoy simple nighttime rituals. Little ones thrive on these constancies. So make them dependable but easygoing: Play, read, cuddle, lights out—with lots of smiles.
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