"At my playgroup there are a couple children who are really nasty. They grab toys, yell at other kids, hog toys, push, and make other kids cry. Should I be sticking up for my child when I see her being abused by other kids or let her learn to stick up for herself? Should I wait until the child's mother steps in, if she steps in at all?"
-Anonymous
14 comments:
I've told my kids a couple things, never let anyone hurt you!.. I also taught my daughter, and we practiced it, to say in her toughest voice "HEY, WATCH IT". this puts a lot of kids in their place.
It's normal toddler behaviour to an extent. Small children don't understand the concept of sharing nor do they understand how to play WITH other children until past 2 years old. Until then, it's a side by side play. Toddlers are also very territorial and everything is "mine". I don't think that children who display those behaviours are "monsters"...just normal kids whose parents might need to work on boundaries and distraction techniques when around other children. If the child takes a toy from another child, get another toy for one of them. If they yell at each other, remove them from the situation and tell them they aren't being nice. They probably won't understand, but if the action has a consequence, they may just start to associate it and eventually stop the behaviour. Aside from those things, there really isn't much you can do I don't think. I don't think a toddler understands the concept of sticking up for themselves.
exactly that is why i asked the ages. toddler are way too impulsive they don't know...that they need to share. and some kids stick up for themselves...some..not so much it depends on personality, age, etc. and honestly i think you would be hard pressed to find a kid of ANY age who DIDN'T hog toys...
that being said i REALLY don't think the term nasty toddlers was very accurate. toddlers are not nasty they DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. maybe a teenager can be nasty but...not a toddler. its natuarl instict for a toddler to act how they do. parents need to teach them..and if you had a toddler you would know this DOES NOT happen overnight.
if i were you, i would intervene, i agree somewhat with max, that it is your job to protect your child.
Hi All.
I am the one who asked the question. Yes, the children are all toddlers, they are probably between the ages of 2 and 4 and we get together weekly to play. I am considering leaving the group because a couple of these kids, I understand that it is just normal behavior but my question is this, should I be the one to intervene? Like, is it right for me to tell another woman's child no? I feel uncomfortable doing this, and I really dont want to leave the group, but I am not going to stay there if these kids are being mean. Sorry to affend anyone by saying nasty, but that is the way I feel sometimes.
K.D.
when your kid takes a toy away from another kid and you replace it for the kid who lost the toy dont you think that you are teaching the 'theif' that is is ok to grab because the 'victim' will get somethin else? i dont agree with taht at all!
i would get stop the kid if the mother isnt gettin off her but.
Have you tried talking to the mom?
anonamous #3, just cuz its normal doenst make it right. i dont think anyone watns to get ragged out here and your comments have nothign to do with what she asked! you dont need to be rude. besides, i happen to think that the word "nasty" sounds just like a kid i know who is at my kids daycare, so before you judge her maybe you should put yourslef in our place huh?
I suggest you sit nearby and keep a close watch, if you see a child about to be mean to yours, there's nothing wrong with stepping in, it's all in how you do it. ;)
Thief and victim? You really think 2 year olds understand that? All they see is a toy that they want so they take it. They don't understand how to share. By giving each child a toy, they will both be happy. They don't realize "haha I got the toy we both wanted and you got stuck with that other one. Neener Neener Neener" They're 2!!!!
KD, if you have a problem with how another kid treats your child and don't feel comfortable reprimanding the other child you should probably just remove your child from the situation. Otherwise, just say something to the mom.
Well, I have one friend in particular, and we have been friends since we were 5. She has a daughter, who isn't very nice to Austin, so I can understand your frustrations, but, I don't think he sees it the same way as I do.
Of course parent want to protect their children from having their feelings hurt, but I try and just stand back, unless of course she is physically hurting him, or making him cry. Then, her mother usually steps in and reprimands her. I also will praise her when she does share with him.
To toddlers, there is no yours, his, or hers, there is only mine. Try not to take it personally, your little girl will eventually learn that that is just the way children interact with one another. :)
exactly that is just how toddlers are. i highly doubt the other child is 'abusing' yours! children don't abuse not at toddler or preschooler stage anyways. that being said i also highly doubt your child is an angell all the time. im sure the day will come when your toddler 'abuses' another child hopefully for your sake the other child's mother isn't as hard on you lol
Though it is considered 'normal' behavior for children to act this way, it is not acceptable. For all of you who said that you should just replace your child's stolen toy with another one, I am pretty disgusted. Don't you think you should be teaching your child (if they are the one who was being a bully, intending on hurting feelings or not) that that is not appropriate behavior. No wonder kids are so bad now. If my child took a toy from another, I would take it and give it back and show MY child to another toy.
I belong to a playgroup and we have it twice a week. All of us agree that if our child takes a toy from another one, you definitely give it back to that child. If you replace the toy for another one, it is only teaching that its okay for you to steal toys from other children. If children are not taught this then they will never know the difference.
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