"Hey.. I'm only 16 turning 17 this year, and I really want a baby. Its all I can think about, as well as moving out.
Most people my age that want to have a baby only want it so that they will be loved, but im the opposite... I want to love. And i want to dedicate my life to someone else. I have already bought a puppy and he is gorgeous and just fine, so that wont fix the problem. I am extremely mature and have thought about finances and moving out and kids since i was 14. I have got a job and i am trying as hard as i can to tell myself that i am way to young for a child and that its stupid. My mother had me when she was 16 and she did a great job, and is still with my birth father after all the stuff she has gone through. I dont mind being a single mum, but i dont know what to do! Why am i thinking like this.. is it wrong? what should i do!!"D. Thompson
19 comments:
I felt the same way when I was young. My mother and I didnt have a good relation ship and I wanted a child sooo bad so that someone would love me no matter what!! I dreamed of having a baby to take care of to love to spend time with...I was mature for my age as well, I took care of a house full of people while I went to "school" and worked full time!! So I knew I could take care of a child....
I was 19 when I was preg with my daughter, and you know I am glad that I waited till then...its hard work nothing in the world can prepare you for becoming a mother!! I lost all my friends when I became preg....some people just dont get it!!
I would really wait I think 16 is still too young! Give yourself a few more years, really think about what you want to do!!
Kelly
I felt this way when I was young. And I remember watching it on Ricki Lake and Jenny Jones. Girls wanting babies. I think I changed my mind after seeing their character and how ridiculous I sounded.
There is something missing from your life. At your age it's not a baby. It's a future that lays a head for you. You need to dedicate your life to school. Once that is done you can decide who you want to be.
I ask you this , the person you want to be , A single mother, struggling to feed the one they love so muchs it hurts? The mother who goes to bed at night alone with only thoughts of bills in her mind. Do you want to be the person that always has road blocks in front of her. A baby grows up, and a baby requires a strong individual that can look after herself as well as a baby.
YOu should contact kids help phone.
They really do care about teens.
I think it's normal to want those things, but at 16 or 17 it's unrealistic and maybe even a little selfish to pursue them. You owe it to your children to be the best you can be mentally and financially and I don't think you can optimally do that at that age.
Looking back, I can't say it would have been impossible, but I think doing it alone at that age would be difficult.
you dont mind being a single mom? I should slap you for saying that. you are a child yourself, there are lots of things you should be doing before you choose to have children honey. i suggest you rethink your idea of the perfect life...
Whoa, 16 is way to young to be having babies! You may feel like you are mature for your age, but listen to me, nothing can prepare you for being a mother. It is the hardest job in the world, you have a human being completely dependent on you, it's not like a puppy where you can leave them alone for hours on end.
You need to step back and think about the life you would be giving your child. How far do you think you would be able to go without a highschool diploma? Mcdonalds? Seriously, you need a wake up call.
Wait until you are in a serious, long-term relationship where you can count on your partner to help you, being a single mother is not something to strive for darling.
I cannot even imagine how single mom's do it, I am married with a baby at home and it's still hard! wow, I hope for you that you try to be sensible and wait until you can give your child a good life.
you are still a child yourself you may think you know responsibility but you have no idea. you do not have the capabilities mentally or emotionally to handle a child at this point in your life to do that to a child would be horrible.
Thanks for your feedback on this. And i would never even consider having a child if i thought i was being cruel to it. I know the baby is not a pet, and i also know that it would be good to have a dad ...
I don't think you'd be considered cruel to have a child that young, but you could definitely be considered selfish in my opinion. You want a child to love so that you feel better about whatever is lacking in your life, but what about that child? Wouldn't that child deserve the best possible life that can be provided for him/her in a stable home with loving parents that can provide for him/her. Wouldn't you want to be the best possible person you can be for the sake of you child? To be a good role model for your child? To have them look up to you and say "I want to be great, just like Mommy" instead of having them think about how differently things could have been for them had you waited until you weren't so much of a child yourself?
i was not stating that you would be cruel to it. i was saying that it would be cruel/selfish to have a child just for fulfill some need or issues you seem to have. might wnat to try growing up a bit first. and you obviously know how ridiculous it is otherwise you wouldn't post about something like that.
not only that but a child should have both parents in their life. some circumstances prevent that for children but why do that to a child intentionally
When I look back on when I was a young teen I think, how could I have done that? Or what was I thinking? I am SOOO happy I did no have my son until now because I am a totally different person than I was then.
Just my thoughts.
i got prego the first time i ever had sex i was 13, though i love my daughter more than the world, i would not reccomend you have a baby until you are out of school, and have settled down. this is not babysitting. this baby is yours 24/7, you will lose your friends, you can't come and go when you please, and you wil be stressed, you have to pay for diapers clothes, and if you are going to work, childcare. if you arent going to breastfeed you will have to pay for formula which is not cheap. if you work, you will not make a lot of money, you will have pay rent, and transpotation. you need to rethink this throuhg...
when i was younger, 14-16 i think, I also though like you, I wanted a baby and thought i could do it. I waited though and i am glad. i am now 21 with a 17 month old daughter with my second on the way. I'm also a single mom as me and my bf (dad to both babies) recently broke up before we found out i was pregnant again. he is helping ALOT but it is so hard ... even before we broke up there is so much i/we weren't prepared for. it is so much more than what anyone could try and prepare you for. when i had my girl i lost all my friends cause i never had time for them, and they never understood, i had no life outside my child. i had to grow up (even more) once she was born. i am a totally different person now. i love her with everything i am/have, and i wouldn't change having her for anything. I'm really glad i waited. cause even now things are hard.. but had i been younger i would not have been able to do it .. juggling school a job and a baby.. cause without school you can't go very far in the way of a job and are subject to min wage jobs and some slightly higher paying, but nothing that you'd probably like all that much.
Because you want a baby doesnt mean you should. I think a lot of teens so through a phase where they want a baby (me included) but have decided to wait so they can give their baby it all! Im not a university student and thats hard enough with a baby, but had I had a baby in high school I would never went for post secondary education. Even though Im in school now we provide for our child and do not depend on anyone. I went to school with a lot of teen moms and I can tell you now that most of them are depending on the government for assistance and have no education (not all of them even graduated high school).
Please wait till you have an education, can support a child and are in a stable relationship, my husband and I were not married when we had our son, but we were engaged and had been together for over 2 years.
I think the second sentence you wrote really sums your feelings up - "Its all I can think about, as well as moving out." I don't think you actually want a baby so much as you want your independence, which at your age, is absolutely normal. I was chomping at the bit to move out of my parents' house and away from their rules, and to be self-sufficient and independent. I was 20 when I finally went out on my own, and it was HARD. There are so many things you don't even realize that you have to pay for before you move out.. heating/lighting, water, food, phone bills, rent, cable/internet if you can afford it, transportation, and if you want to have any sort of a social life that requires money, too.
The feelings that you are having are normal. I think you are confusing your want and your desire for independence with a want for a baby. In our culture, having a baby as a teenager is a harsh world full of sacrifice, heartbreak, and possibly, resentment. If it's possible, you should try to go to university or college somewhere away from home, and stay in residence. You will learn a lot of independence while having a lot of fun.
In the meantime, maybe think about volunteering at a daycare. You will get to have a lot of fun with babies and kids, and you can give something back to the community. And that way, the kids go home at the end of the day, and so do you.
:) hope that helped.
I was 16 when I got pregnant for my first daughter... and am now 35 (my daughter just turned 18). This is deffinately not something you do to enhance your life at 16!!! It was very difficult. I had to finish high school and look after a baby. Then I had to go to college and look after a baby. Then I had to get a job and look after a baby (note the pattern!!!) And it doesn't get any easier. Babies are expensive, needy, time consuming and very self centered... that's how they survive. They really don't care if you are exhausted, sick or just having a bad day... they still want what they want when they want it and they don't shut up about it until they get it!!!
Luckily I had an excellent support system, my family was very supportive and the babies father was very supportive (we have been married for 15 years). That is the only reason I got through it and didn't end up as a high school drop-out on welfare!!!
On a side note... my 18 year old graduates this year and is starting her undergrad for med school in the fall... so it is do-able - it just isn't easy!!!
So if this is the route you want to go to be successful you need the following:
1. your families support (including but not limited to: free babysitting while you are in school all day for as many years as it take for you to graduate and do college/university, free babysitting while you make your monthly attempt at a social life, someone to get up through the night with the baby prior to any big test or exam, assistance/advise when the baby is sick, etc.)
2. a guy who will support you and the baby both finacially (diapers, formula, clothing, swings, cribs, toys, baby food, toddler food, school fees, food, clothes, more food, more clothes, etc.) and emotionally for the rest of his life (my husband is a self confessed work-a-holic so an ideal candidate for the financial aspect of things).
3. enough energy and patience to contend with a very self centered demanding individual while trying to get some kind of education (give up trying to have a life.. you'll be able to get back to that when the baby hits the teenage years provided they don't decide to throw a wrench into things by having a baby and requiring your support!!!)
4. enough willpower to give up your social life (teenage friends only think babies are cute for a while, then their social lives take over and they only come around when they are extremely bored)
5. enough money to do more than just "get by" since we are talking about raising a successful child and I'm sure you want to give your baby everything they need and want... right??? (swimming lessons, play school, soccor, cheerleading, gymnastics, brand name clothing, savings account for education, perscriptions (at least until you find a job with benefits), dental (mine needs her wisdom teeth out... $1500 for that... the other needs braces and surgery... about $8500 for that... so it's kindof luck of the draw with orthodontics), graduation expenses (both grade 8 & 12!!!) and university costs if you didn't manage to save enough, eventually a wedding... and then I think you are just about done but who knows... down payment on a house and grandchildren will come at some point.)
These are the secrets to my successful teenage pregnancy... as long as you can manage that you will be perfectly fine and I would say to go for it!!! However... I'm sure you aren't a selfish person and realize if you can't manage everything on the list you will wait until you can. No one dreams of having a baby, ending up on welfare and having to drop-out of high school... it's just the reality of most teenage pregnancies because they don't have all of the things listed above. Had I have been lacking even one of those things... it wouldn't have turned out the way it did for me. I have been very very lucky... and I say that knowing that I missed out on the whole "teenage fun" aspect of my life and was forced to become a "responsible adult" long before I should have.
To be honest.... at times I feel very tired of being a mom... I've been doing it so long I don't think I even remember what it was like before kids. My girls are 14 & 18 now... one older than I was when this all started... and they are still both very needy (although not as self centered as they started out.. lol). A lifetime is the commitment you make when you have a baby... and a lifetime is a very long time. Luckily... having a baby gets easier... once they hit about 18 but only if you do a good job... so only 4 more years to go for me til things get easier!!!
Good luck and I hope you make the best decision for yourself and your future baby!!!
I have to say that although this feeling is very strong, you should really wait it out. I had a baby when I was just 17 and although I am happy about it and I wouldn't change it, it's been hard having a child through high school and University (I'm 22 now, married to the father and am pregnant with #2). I have to also say that some of the posts have been quite rude. There is nothing cruel about having a baby as a teen. A much crueller and inhumane option would be abortion. However, I don't recommend pregnancy for teens but I do recommend it for young people after high school as long as you are stable. The best time to have a baby is in your 20s and I consider it much more 'cruel' to have a baby in your late 30s or 40s since the risk of Down Syndrome and other complications increases dramatically.
Please try and wait!
im 17 and i have a daughter, i say wait, you can always have a baby when you are a bit older, but you cant reverse it onces its born, im not trying to be rude, but i believe no one can truely understand the ammount of work that goes into raising a child, until they have one, and believe me you should wait it will be so much easier if you wait, and what if 10 years from now you meet someone and you decide to get married, wouldnt it be nice to share your first pregnancy with that person, also im a single mother, and i think its a bit selfish of you to say you dont mind being a single parent, i dont mind being a single parent either, but does my daughter enjoy knowing her father has no interest in her, certainly not, although she doesnt understand that yet, someday she will. wait pleaaaase wait.
Post a Comment