"Me and my husband are both 21 year-old mature university students working very good-paying jobs. Recently, my husband's 16 year-old brother has asked to come live with us and we agreed, because we know how bad his home-life is. The mother is... what you would call unpredictable and often times terrifying.
To all the wonderful Moms out there... how to you just jump into parenting? Especially when the "child" is only six years younger than the "parent"? I'm guessing many of you are mothers of young children, but even in your experience, could you give me some advice?"
-Posted in Comments by Anonymous
7 comments:
My guess is that he's going to feel a lot more free at your house and not see you guys as parental figures...so make sure you set some guidelines for him to follow and actually try to sort of be like a parent without being too overbearing. Let him know that you're doing him a favor by letting him stay and he needs to respect you guys and your home and that it's not going to be a free-for-all party or anything like that.
I agree that you won't really be considered mom & dad, but you SHOULD have rules in your home. Don't try and be too controlling or you might push him out, and into a worse of direction than where he came from.
He's probably not going to appreciate you guys trying to play "mom & dad" either since you're only a few years older than him. Set some ground rules down and stick to them.
I don't think he is going to want you to fill the role of "parent." However, laying down guidelines for your home is important and he must know that he is accountable to the both of you as long as he is living in your home. As well, be up front with him in the beginning.
Thank everyone for the tips. Another one of my fears in regards to him coming to live with us is that he's going to see this as an opportunity to "go wild". He was never allowed to go out anywhere on weekends (movies, mall, etc.) with his Mother in charge, and I fear that he's going to take advantage of the situation. He is a teenager, after all.
As others have said , I wouldn't try to act like his parent, although I would set some house rules and post them somewhere that he sees them often (they can include anything from his house chores to what time you expect him to be home by on weekends) that way on the first day you're being upfront with him and he will have to agree to your terms before he moves in .. Compromising with him for certain rules can also help because then he'll be able to take part in making responsible descisions.
If you fear he's going to go wild on you, you need to make it clear that that's not going to be the case with you guys. Allow him some freedom but make sure he understands that your house is not a party house and that he needs to respect you and your husband and the generosity you are showing him by letting him stay there.
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