There seems to be a never ending debate about whether or not mothers should stay at home or return to work, and new results from research seem to flip-flop from side to side.Now, after results from surveyed moms, it seems that many of them are feeling guilty for going back to work full time, 60 % of them, and even rated themselves lower than those mothers who stay at home, or only work part time.
So why don't they just stay home? The only problem is, that there are not many good part time jobs out there that pay enough to sustain a healthy, and happy family.
What do you think about this?
18 comments:
To be completely honest with you, I think that it is wrong for a mother go go back to work too soon. I mean someone else is literally raising your child for you! Not to mention if they are at a daycare who knows what awful habits they will pick up from other children. If you ask me, a mother should find a way, other than going back to work to take care of her child both financially and mentally.
I agree and I think that this picture says a lot. The baby sitter looks like a mommy, while the actual mother is heading out the door, and the kid doenst seem to care. This is not to say that some poeple dont have good baby sitters but i agree with the above statement about other people actually rasing these kids
Though I am not a single mother, I think that it needs to be pointed out, that some may not have a choice as to whether or not they are going back to work. Many of these single mothers don't see any support from the fathers and those who do, usually don't get the proper amount.
well as a single mother who has her daughter in daycare (god forbid! lol) i have to say that i do get a proper amount for chil dsupport..but as we all know children are expensive! personally i don't feel guilty for putting her in daycare. she gets the social interaction which si very important for children of any age. and its nice to see her form attachments to other grownups besides me. i don't stay home because it allows me time to work and be around other people and it also gives us the extra money so that i can provide better for her. staying home with her is a nice thought but not always practical. she does pick up bad habits being around other children..but your children will do that when they start school anyways..and trust me it goes right up till they finish school an dmove out haha gotta love peer pressure. i dont feel that someone else is raising my child i raise her and someone else guides her and teaches her during the day. if you want to think like that...perhaps you should homeschool your children too. because once they turn five the school system raises them.
as for the picture..well you can read a lot into it..but my guess is the babysitter is doing something called distracting. you do it with a child so that they focus on the toys and forget about the mother leaving..saves a lot off crying.
Gotta love the babsitter's (usually creative) distraction tactics...I always laugh to myself. I am a single mom and I also get the proper child support amount. I could not afford to stay home with my children, do not qualify for welfare, and feel that I'm setting a good example for my children by working. Maybe in a perfect world everybody could stay home with their children until they start school, but for alot of women, it's not possible. These women should feel pride not guilt.
As a stay at home mom and full time child care provider I kind of get insight on both sides. I realize financially it is almost impossible for some mothers to stay at home and raise their children. Sure I know some who have...given up their job, stayed home 5 years, changed their life style then try to regain that life in 4 or 5 years when they put the child in pre-school. It is not easy. Some parents feel by sustaing the lifestyle provided by 2 incomes it is better in the long run. As a mother of 4 children ...and only holding a job as administrative assistant before they were all born, financially I am better staying home. Once my third child was born I started providing childcare in my home. Yes the kids call me "mommy", but only for a little while... (which by the way the kids call my sister who is a kindergarden teacher in the public school system!) So it happens. They soon learn I have a name, and we have special time together, but it never changes who their mom and dad are. And as far as picking up bad habits, or bad words etc. That is in big part related to who provides the childcare. If your children attend a non-smoking, alcolhol free, mannerly household on a daily basis where the caregivers children are disiplined and not allowed to be wild...you will in turn have mannerly, well disiplined children. I know that is what I strive for in my home. To teach all of the children,not just my own, proper speech, manners, sharing, caring, loving, and that pitching a fit gets you no where!!! lol!! I have provided childcare from children age 3 months up to 12 years. Some of those parents wish they could stay at home full time, but most of them love their careers too, and have made the choice to continue theirs. If you are lucky you will find a home that feels as cozy as your own to place your children in...and the main thing is they feel welcomed, and loved. I feel priviledged to be the choice of some parents in the shared responsibility of raising their child. And I love when my first time parents are comfortable enough to call me for advice when they have a question or their child is sick and they aren't sure what to do. You realize then the important role you play in the little one's life.
I wish I had the opportunity to stay at home, but then I would have to use the welfare system, and I would rather not where I am perfectly capable of working and providing for my son and myself. I think welfare should be reserved for those citizens of our country who are actually unable to go out and work and need that extra help in having a roof over their heads. I don't see a problem in staying home to raise your children though. If your husband has a great enough job to provide for the household, then that is awesome. I only wish I was that fortunate... someday, someday. However, I feel pride when it comes to what I did with my life. At 18 I had my son, who is now 3 and a half, I went to college when he was a year and a half and graduated last year. I now have a job in an office where I am glad to work. Whenever I get my down days, or wish I could be home with my son, I try and remember the benefits we reap from my working. My boy gets to go and interact with other children, and has learned to be independent, but he still enjoys his time with his Mama at the end of the day. He will be going to preschool in almost a year, and as scary as that is (for me!!), I am really happy he is going to have those social skills when he gets there.
Having had the opportunity to be both a stay at home mom and a working mom I can touch on both sides of the coin.
When I had my first, I was pregnant with him at the end of university and had him just under a month before graduation. Since I had been a student, I could only take unpaid leave before going out in the work force. I stayed home with him as long as I could afford to (my husband had just graduated university the year before, so he was at the bottom of the payscale where he works) and that was only until he was 5 months old. I didn't feel guilty going back to work at all. I didn't WANT to go back, but I knew I HAD to go back in order to help provide for him. So I went back to work and worked full time for 6 weeks. After that, I bumped down to part time and did that until he was a year old, then I went back full time. I work shift work so I got to spend a lot of time with him even though I was working full time as a lot of my shifts would be overnight or would start late in the afternoon just a few hours before his bedtime. I even managed to keep breastfeeding him and pumping for him while I was at work. That gave me great satisfiaction knowing that I could still provide that for him.
When I was pregnant with our second, I was put off on sick leave at 30 weeks so I got to spend 10 whole weeks with my son just him and I to sort of "make up" for the time I missed when he was small. We got to do a lot of fun things and just have some extra "mommy and me" time before his sister arrived.
She is now 7 weeks old and I'm staying home with them for the full year. I feel really good about my decision to do this and when I go back to work when she is a year old it will be full time again but I know that I will be able to bump down to part time should I feel the need and we are able to do so financially.
I think that it's best to do what you can for your children. We all know that it's in the best interest of our children for their mothers to be home with them for the first 5 years at least but in today's world, that is a luxury many of us can't afford. I've found that when I am back at work, I appreciate the time with my kids that much more and I don't take the long, hard days this time around for granted. I cherish even the worst sleepless night, all the temper tantrums, the colic, the crying, the time outs, the smiles, the "I love you", the baths, the bedtimes, the boo boo kisses, the stories, the walks...all of it. I treasure it that much more because I know it's not forever. I'm a working mom who doesn't feel guilty because when I am home with my kids, I'm with them 100% and make the most of the time I do have with them. It's also a great comfort to me to know that my childcare provider is the best. She is nurturing and caring and loving to my kids when I can't be. Do I feel like she's raising them? No, not at all...but I do feel like she is an important part of their lives. It's important for children to form bonds with other adults but those bonds will never be the same as the ones they have with their parents, no matter how much time they spend with a babysitter.
With all due respect, I think that you who are saying "I do it for my child" "I work so my child can socialize" are saying things like this more so to yourselves to make yourselves feel better about your decision, because after all is said and done, it is in fact your decision. A lot of people don't realize, but children actually benefit from socializing with YOU just as much as they do from with other kids. It's been proven as a matter of fact. And if you are that concerned, take your child out to do things together, with you there, instead of a sitter or daycare provider. You can go to all kinds of things like playgroups even just the park is a great place to go because you will usually end up meeting other kids and other moms.
The thing is though that some of us DO work for our children...because if we didn't, we would not be able to provide a safe and healthy home environment, clean clothes and healthy food for them otherwise and there is NO guilt or shame attached to that.
i think mostly everyone would like to stay home and raise their children. but sometimes its just not possible..sure you could stay on social assistance but...most people who can work want to be cause at least it helps provide for your children a bit more. and drs and other medical experts have stated that the social interaction is very beneficial to the children. which is why a lot of moms (yes even stay at home moms!) put their children in at least preschool.
As a working woman, and mother, I am one who does feel a lot of guilt. It has subsided since I first started. I would cry at work for the first few months. It is better now, but I still wish I could stay home with my 3 kids. I have an awesome sitter an she is like a part of our family but I resent the fact that I do not witness the milestones my children reach and in stead i hear them from someone else. :(
I too have read that children get the same benefits from playing with adults as they do from playing with other children. It's the interaction in general that matters, and it is not until they are "preschool-aged" that they "need" to hang out with other kids for social purposes. Kids from 0-3 years tend to simply play side by side rather than together anyhow. One of my friends jokes that "playgroups are for mommies, not babies" ;)
I would love to stay home instead of working but i need to work. I am a single mom of a 20 month old daughter with a second due in 7 weeks. (yes i am taking my year mat. leave) i would never be able to stay at home without an income. their dad does help out as much as he can; sometimes letting some of his own needs slip while he looks out for us. but without me working i would not be able to afford a apartment or any kind of roof to shelter my kids or food, or much of anything. i don't work full time, but it is because the hours are not available, and the pay is only minimum wage, as it is all i could find when i moved to Fredericton. i have a great sitter (finally) who is not raising my daughter, she is there to keep her safe and company while i am not able to be there. sure i miss my daughter when i am at work but i know that if i was not we would probably be homeless. so unless you moms who think i am ruining my children's lives by staying home have a money tree they can give me i will be a working mom. i refuse to go on welfare when i am capable of working myself. i will not teach my children to take advantage of welfare when it is not needed.
well time for me to jump in! lol my daughter goes to daycare which our drs have recommended themselves. in fact when my daughter had developmental delays our paediatrician recommended daycares not playgroups but daycares. both the paediatrician and paediatric neurologist have stated the its different interaction children get with mom there and without.
Secondly i go to university and put my daughter into daycare fulltime i do not feel guilty because i know i am working towards getting a stable job to provide better for her. a good alternative to sitting home and raising her with nothing. the only way to get ahead in this world is to work or go to school and work. most families now a days cannot exist on simply one income..if they could then thats great but a lot simply cannot. it seems pretty rude to sit here and criticize other mother when you know nothing about them or their way of life.
As a stay at home mother with another child on the way, I know that I made the right choice. I am a wife, and cleaning lady, a cook, an accountant, and a teacher. I think it is rude of YOU Heather to say that we who do stay home are sitting home basically doing nothing and wasting government money. I teach my son a lot, and I know he gets the love and attention he needs from ME. I have talked with many of my pals who are moms about this in the past, and even know 3 women who have worked at daycares who say they would NOT recommend it, and when they have kids they say it is an option they will overlook. Im not judging you or any of the others by saying this but I agree with Jessakah that it is just not possible for some mothers to stay at home but I am one who believes that a LOT of what people do today is influenced by society. I know that a lot of people look down on mothers who stay at home, especially young ones. And I think that is plain wrong.
i did not say staying home DOING nothing. I said staying home WITH nothing.
there is a big difference and like i said in my post if you are in a position that you can stay home..then great. i think a paediatrician has a bit more skill and knowledge to comment on a childs social skills than a daycare worker.
As a daycare worker myself who is now on mat leave with an 8 month old. I would just like to say a doctor does not attend daycare and has NO IDEA what goes on with YOUR children during the day.
I have worked in daycare for 11 years and I can tell you with much more certainty than any doc, for every good daycare worker there are 10 bad ones and unfortuanatly because it is such a low paying job many people don't care what they do. Quality child care is very very hard to come by and it is only Quality care that benefits your children.
I myself am not going back to work for two reasons, I have seen how the majority of children respond to daycare and how daycare staff really behave when the parents are not looking and because when all is said and done, I want to be the one to raise my child.
I do however agree that sometimes women have no choice, in order to provide basic needs they must work.
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