My good friend has told me that she is considering having an abortion. I am really very distraught about this whole situation and I appreciate your advice on it. See, I want to tell her that it is wrong and that she will regret it. Being a mother myself who is doing it all alone I can seriously acknowledge that yes it is hard some times but I still wouldn't give up my daughter for the world. My biggest problem is that I KNOW that this woman just doesn't want to let go of her old partying lifestyle and that's why I am so angry about her thinking about an abortion. My question is: Is it my place to tell her what I think, or should I just not say anything? I am afraid I might regret it if I don't say anything.
-Anonymous
14 comments:
Personaly I think that if you get yourself into that situation then you need to be responsible and step up to the plate.
But Ultimatly I believe that it is the persons choice. Its thier body and will have to live the rest of thier life with thier decision. One is never easy and the other is never easy but has many beautiful rewards.
I would feel exactly the same way if it was one of my friends but try and be supportive no matter what decision she makes because both are going to be alot to deal with.
Honestly it's not your place to judge her. You may disagree with her decisions but if she is your friend, you need to be there for her in what she chooses whether you agree with it or not. You're certainly entitled to your opinion but like I said, it's not your place to judge.
What she needs right now is a good friend, not a lecture. She needs your support with whatever she decides to do. It's not up to you to make the decision or try to influence it but to just be her friend and be there for her.
I was so against abortions before I became a mom... now honestly Im more pro-choice. Since being a mom I have met a lot more moms and some of them were not ready to give up their partying lifestyle and didn't, in the end it's their child that suffered. They are still good moms but at the same time put their social life a bit too high on their priority list (in my opinion).
I know that they got themselves into that situation and should be responsible and step up to the plate, but in practice, how can you force that?
If you can't be supportive no matter what she decides, just tell her you can't, but don't give her a lecture.
ultimately its her decision but you really don't know all the factors going into her decision whether it really is just her partying or if there is more. either way she is the only one who can decided what decision she can live with.
You are in a really tough situation. As her friend you need to set your differences aside and just be there for her. Just because you believe abortion is wrong doesn't mean that it is. I don't think any child shoudl be raised by a parent that doesn't want them it will only make the child's life really tough in the end. Sounds as though giving up the baby ( either through abortion or adoption) may be the right thing for your friend. My only suggestion is that you make sure she makes a decision after educating herself etc...
It's not your place to try and tell her how she'll feel! She is better equipped to make assessments about her life! Being a mother is an absolute blessing, but when someone is not ready for it, it can be extremely difficult. When and unplanned pregnancy happens, and the mother is not ready to be a parent (I say mother because the father can always take off and come back when he feels like it!)the children are the ones to suffer. It is not fair to bring a child into the world just because you want to impose your morales and values upon her! Your friend needs to be supported and speak to someone who can give her all the information regarding ALL of her options!! She dosen't need to be judged, she is the one who is going to live with the decision, whatever that may be, not you!!! If she is not ready to become a mother, then maybe she would be making the right decision in her situation! This is definitely not a decision to be taken lightly...but it is hers to make! The best thing you can do is support her...that is what she really needs!
I just don't think I can support such a decision. And she keeps bringing it up. Am I being a bitch if I tell her I don't want to hear about it? Because if she keeps talking about it, I am gooing to snap and tell her what I really think.
If you keep telling her you don't want to hear about it, you're not exactly being a good friend now are you? There's nothing wrong with telling her how you feel about abortion if she doesn't already know where you stand. Obviously she values your opinion and is looking for someone to lean on which is what you should be doing.
wow .. all i can really say is even if you don't approve (though do let her know this) try and be there for her. maybe find out the reasons (all of them) for considering abortion. it is a very trying thing to go through. when i was 15 i was forced by my family to have one (it was that or be homeless). it killed me and there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about it and regret it (it has been 7 years). sadly i can't change the past though i wish i could.
Help her become educated on different aspects of abortion (how it is done, what happens to the baby, and anything else) and even see what she thinks of adoption. there are so many people who can't have kids and would love to take in a child to call their own and love.
but no matter what stand by her and be a friend, she'll need all support she can get whatever she decides.
ya really! maybe you should show her photos of what happens to the babies...
If that is truly her reasons for an abortion I think it is unacceptable. I am not 100% pro-choice nor am I pro-abortion. I feel each case is different and requires careful thought and discussion. Your friend needs to grow up and face her resposibilties. You call her a woman but to me she does not sound like one yet. There is always the option of adoption. Although your description does not make her sound like a person who would be willing to make that sacrifice.
I know her and she is too selfesh to even do an adoption, that means she would have to behave herself for the pregnancy and you know what? it would probably do more harm than good because she would keep on drinking etc. I don't know, I thikn I will just tell her the truth and how I really feel. thanks everyone, you are great.
owner of the question
About your friend...sounds like you don't really see your friend as a very mature person. If you think that she would continue to do things that would harm an unborn child then I would think she needs more help than someone talking her though the procedures and effects of an abortion. Sounds like she has some other issues that need to be delt with as well.
No matter what all situations are individual and there is never one answer. I think all the posts I read were great and coudn't be said much better. You all seem to have very realistic views and some good advice.
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