"I have a 12mth old who will only nap and go to bed at night if I rock him and I know it is my fault because I have rocked him since he was an infant for hours now when I put him in his bed he will not go to sleep he will just play,cry and play more because he doesn't know how to fall asleep on his own any suggestions or tips on this without letting him cry himself to sleep I love to rock him but he starts at the sitter in a month and I know she won't rock him to sleep everyday."
-Anonymous
12 comments:
I don't know what else you could do, rather than try and wean him out of the habit.
My son is 2 so this may not work for you, also he is in a toddler bed, but I put him in his room, close the door.. there are not many toys in his room, for this reason, and I will give him a small pile of books to look at, he will eventually fall asleep. Oh, I know this is bad but sometimes I will give him a sippy cup of milk to go to bed with too.
I saw an episode on super nanny once and they were having a similar issue with their little boy.
The mom used to rock him to sleep, so super nanny made her stop doing it. They were weaning from each other if you ask me. But what she would do (the moms) is out her son down in bed, and sit on the floor, not looking at her son, so that way, his mommy was still close but she wasnt helping him to go to sleep. of course the boy would stand up and cry for mom, she would calmly get up, tell him it is ok, and lay him back down in bed.
every night she would move farther and farther towards the door, but doing the same thing, and being consistent. Eventually, mom was able to put her son to bed and walk out the door with out a peep from him.
This might not be something you are "supposed to do", but when we had this problem we started bringing our, now four year old, out on the couch where he would fall asleep and then we would transfer him into his own bed.. he still does this sometimes :P
Joshua always did this too. When we stopped rocking, I would let him lay in bed with me til he fell asleep. It took a long time to get out of that. . . and honestly, I didn't mind it. It took him getting his own TV in his room before he would go to his bed alone. That worked like a charm. He was probably 4 when I did that.
You may want to easy into it.........rock him a little but make sure you put him down awake. Then sit by his crib for a few minutes, then move further away for another few minutes........eventually getting out of the room. There will be crying, but with a few nights he'll realize that mommy is still there, but he can go down without you.
-Shonda
I rocked my boys to sleep for the first few months, too. We did kind-of like what Shonda said... still rocked for a while - but made sure he wasn't *completely* asleep when I laid him down. Then stood next to his bed and pat his back a little, then stand next to his bed but not touch him, then stand in the doorway.... etc.
It's frustrating - but kind-of sweet! After I stopped rocking them to sleep at night - I always secretly liked a little (not ALL the time!) the times they'd wake up in the middle of the night - and I got to rock them then.
Take care - good luck!
Kara
Dear Poster,
Please please please keep us posted on what you tried and how your progress went. I am in the exact same situation as you are right now, except my son is 10 months old. I'm going to try the idea of putting him to bed awake & staying close...but I'm afraid he's too young still to understand.
Plus of course I feel guilty, I know there will be crying involved, but I feel like it's my own fault that he won't go to sleep on his own, so why should i have to be cruel and make him cry in order to get him to learn this. I do enjoy rocking him as well, but not every night. It never used to be a problem, but now that he's mobile he puts up a big fight to get down and crawl around or play with toys. I think each night I get more & more frustrated, so I know I have to start this routine right away.
So please keep us posted on what you tried and how it worked for you. I am starting to have a concern for my sanity! :)
-Lisa
Hi Lisa, if you really can't handle the crying, maybe you should just try and change your routine a bit. Instead of, or while rocking him, maybe hold him and read him a couple books until he is sleepy, and then put him down in his bed, and leave the room. Give him a minute or two to get to sleep on his own before you go in. If he doesn't go to sleep and the crying only gets louder and more frantic, try going back in and rubbing his back or belly, sing him a lullaby, and try again. You might have to do it ten times but eventually he should get tired enough to go to sleep with maybe just a few whimpers after you leave. Good luck!
Jess
I agree with Jennifer & the super nanny. I had the same problem with my son. When he was around 9 months we started with a bedtime routine. I would rock him and read him some books. Then I would put him in bed and sit there so he knew I was still there. This worked great until he was two and went to a big boy bed. That's a whole different story.
If you enjoy rocking him, and he enjoys being rocked - why stop? Read Dr. Sears books on attachment parenting, it might make you feel better. Don't worry about what you are 'supposed' to do - you can't spoil a child that young, and it is nobody's business but yours. If however, you WANT to stop because it is annoying to you or interfering with other things, I think some of the suggestions posted above would be very effective.
There are some very good ideas here.
I am a mother or 2 my first is almost 3 now and I rocked her from day 1 and im now doing the same thing with my second.
My first also slept in bed with me, at the time it was easier to nurse her, then she would not sleep in a crib at all so at 1 1/2 she got a toddler bed and loved having her own space. I started laying with her till she got to sleep, I stopped laying with her around 2 years old. Now at almost 3 she is in a double bed and she is a big girl as she says, so I read her a book of her choice then I tuck her in, give a hug and kiss and say good night.
This will only work if both of you are ready because even when she started sleeping in the toddler bed the bed was in my room. I wanted her out of my bed but not out of my site. Going through this process was easy for me there was no crying or fighting. I cant she my kids cry at all.
She is in her own room because she told me one night she wanted to be, I was not ready but sence she was I had to deal.
I also belive you cant spoil them that young. They will grow up on there own, my little was has, time flys enjoy them when they are little and want to cuddle.
Hi!! I would suggest reading (and maybe you have done this already) Tracy Hogg's Secrets of the baby whisperer...(2001), it's a great book, and she gives great tips on how to handle sleep/nap problems, altough you may not agree with everything she talks about. She also has a TV show, but don't know if it's sill on. Best of luck Lisa!!!
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