Hi ladies I need some help!! My son is 13 months old as developing an attitude that sometimes I feel is overwhelming! Is this normal? He is starting to hit me, scream, throw toys when hes not happy, and many other things that I did not expect this early. Everyone tells me oh wait till he hits his terrible twos but if I didnt know any better hes in them now! I just need some re assurance that this is normal and ok. Please any thoughts and suggestions would help.
-Sini
8 comments:
It sounds to me like he is testing your boundaries. What do you YOU do when he does these things?
If I were you I would let him know that this behavior is clearly not acceptable, and develop some sort of disciplinary action that works for you.
And be consistent. To a toddler if you give in after the 20th time they will never forget it. One mom posted on here once that you need to be more stubborn than your child is, and I think that is so true.
When Austin was about 1 we has to start timeouts with him because he started behaving badly, and any amount of 'nos' didn't seem to get through to him.
If you chose to do timeouts it is recommended that you only do one minute per year old of the child. Any longer than that and he will likely forget why he is there in the first place. Give him a warning that if he hits you again, he will be going in timeout, and then be sure to follow through.
Though he may not understand you completely always tell your son why he is going in timeout, and when you go get him be sure to remind him why he was there. And then forget about it and start over.
One year olds are not likely to stay put in one spot like a corner, so try a safe place like a playpen in a room where he can't see you.
You probably want to avoid slapping his hands, for slapping you. With some kids this makes them think that slapping is a very good way to get what you want, since mommy does it.
Hope that helps.
Hi thanks for the response. You asked what I did and to be honest I have been slapping his hands when he would hit me. I NEVER even thought of him seeing it from the view that im doing so its acceptable..WOW! So timeouts worked for you? What about when your in public? I find so embaressing because I dont want him to continue this at all. I just feel REALLY OVERWHELMED..THANKS!!!
-Sini
Personally, I don't think a 1 year old can grasp the concept of a time out. We never did that with our son when he misbehaved that young. We do it now that he's 2 and a half and they work great though...he understands alot better what they mean and we only have to say "do you need time out?" and he usually smartens right up because he HATES having to sit still LOL. At that age, if he hit we would hold his hands down and look him straight in the eye and firmly tell him "No, you don't hit" For us, that worked. He rarely did it in the first place but he certainly didn't like his hands being held down or being spoken to sternly. You need to get right down on their level when you're talking to them so they know to pay attention and that you mean business. Distraction when a tantrum was starting usually worked for us too and if he got out of hand in public, we just left. Luckily though, the tantrums were very few and far between for us by some grace of God ;)
Yes Sini, timeouts worked for us, Austin understood that he certainly did not like being put in timeouts by himself, and he would stop. The terrible ones didn't last long.. but now we are on to the terrible twos, and we have started using the corner as the naughty spot.
But all kids are different so you will have to figure out what works for yours :)
for us we never used timeouts either. with bad behaviors she was told firmly to stop and when she didn't i ignored her and walked out of the room away from her and whatever bad behavior that had started disappeared within a few days! and with stuff she knew she wasn't allowed to do a firm no usually worked.
another thing you really have to look at too is WHY they are doing what they're doing? what happened before and after etc. if the child is doing it because of frustration you could try to hlep them before they become that frustrated. if its just a trantrum thena timeout may help if they are just looking for attention then it tells them they will get attention but the not kind of attention they want. its just really depends on the why...
I do think timeouts work, though perhaps not with a child so young. Ignoring might work in some cases, but there are behaviours you can ignore (sticking out his tongue) and some you can't (hitting his sibling). Also, don't assume after reading everyone's advice that you must be doing something wrong since some people do not seem to have issues disciplining their kids. Our son was extremely difficult even though we were also firm and used timeouts consistently. We read all the books and did everything we were supposed to, but sometimes it felt like we'd never get him under control. We followed a technique for getting him to go to bed and the book said that in 3 nights, he'd be going without a hassle. 10 days later, he'd still get out of bed 25-50 times before settling in for the night. We adapted the technique a little and found something that worked for him. All I'm saying is don't get discouraged, don't assume you're doing something wrong or that it's hopeless. Our son is now a model 4.5 yr old. Some kids are just a lot more stubborn than others!!! The name of the game is be consistent and keep your cool at all times. You'll eventually prevail if you do that. And above all else, use positive reinforcement for the times when he's good and let him know that you love him no matter what. But that you will not tolerate certain behaviors, even if it takes 100s of timeouts.
When my little one turned one we counted to 3 if she did not stop doing what ever she was doing she got a time out we always use the same chair and turn it to face the wall it really did not take her long to figure out. I dont agree with slaping because I think if we slap her then she will think its ok to slap someone elce. talking to your kids even at age 1 helps alot after there time out is over sit and explain to them what they did wrong and if they do it again they will have another time out and always follow through if you dont they will walk all over you so do what you say and say what you mean.
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