Let them fight?
"My two toddlers have been fighting like mad lately. I give them both a cup of milk and they are still fighting over one. It doesnt seem to matter what it is this past week but they are always whining and crying over something, particularly my littlest one. I think I am losing my mind, but heres the question: should I let them figure it out on their own or continue to exhaust myself by intervening in a seemingly futile effort to keeping things peaceful?"
J
3 comments:
depending on the situation i think it is fine to let them learn how to work thngs out on their own.
I personally think that you kids are too small to work things out for themselves. They need to see a resolution modelled for them. Try to do a silly play with puppets. Explain to the puppets what will happenif they aren't sharing or behaving. make it funny and short.
example: Dino says "Give me the rubber ducks!" or ("I want it")
Smurf says "No! MINE!"
1)show smurf and dino throwing paper ducks at each other.
2)have the kids watch a puppet hiding the toys while the other puppet is turned backward, then have the other puppet turn back and be singing, then trip over the toy that was hiding under a facecloth. make a silly noise when the puppet falls.
Mommy pokes her head up and says "Dino and Smurf, What can you do to make you both happy?"
Ask kids for suggestion, then offer some of your own. (3 minutes per child, with alarm on stove set OR one kid picks first today, next child tomorrow OR one child plays before nap, one after nap. Many other suggestions will work too.)
tell them about what will happen if they don't share.
examples are natural and logical consequences:
1) time out (1 minute for each year of the child's life.)
2) no playing in the same room if they fight.
3) taking the toy from both children until they come up with a better way to share it.
4) PRAISE ANY AND ALL ATTEMPTS AT POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR.
(a)sharing is a nice thing to do, good job ______!
(b)I really like the way you.....
(c)you played so nice today, I really appreciate that, _____)
(d) wow, look at how thoughtful you are. I want to spend some extra time with just you. 5 minutes is good. Ask them what they want you to do during that time. Focus only on them. If the other child tries to interfere, I recommend to send the child to their room. After the 5 minutes time out and special time will both be over, then you can explain why the other child is getting special time. tell the child next time he does X, Y or z that he will get special time too.
Hope any of this helps you, good luck.
take what you liek and leave the rest, because we all know that what works for one family may not for another.
Good Luck!!
I think what ever makes it easier on you would be the right thing to do. Obviously if someone is getting hurt you should get in there and separate them. But if they are fighting over something like a teddy bear say, isn't the bigger stronger kid going to win every time? I think that you should intervene and show them solutions, hopefully they will use them as tools in the future to get along. How old are they? Mine are 1 and 2 and they do fight occasionally, I have a feeling it will be worse in the teen years LOL. Good luck.
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