Personally, I NEVER spank my children and I never will. I don't agree with it and I don't think that hurting your child is a good punishment. I think it only fosters their fear that if they misbehave, they are going to be hurt and I think it hurts their trust in you. That's just my opinion.
We do timeouts. Being removed from the situation and forced to sit still for 2 whole minutes is far more effective than anything else we've ever tried with Cole. At this point, we don't even need to give many time outs because just the treat of it is enough to make him shape up. That, and taking things away (favorite toys, tv priviledges, etc) helps drive the point home too.
i don't spank in my house. I have a no hitting rule that applies to everyone but i do use timeouts rarely if she is very worked up or on the verge of a fit I tell her to go sit down for a few min and then we talk about it.
I mostly use timeouts but I think it depends on the situation. If your kid is out of control and there is nothing you can do sometimes they need a slap on the bum to startle them back to reality.
I agree that a spank on the bum sometimes is okay..I mean I wouldnt use spanking as my main form of punishment and I dont mean spanking them to hurt them, but to make them realize enough is enough and you are serious!
All children are different, timeouts do not work with my son at all, he could care less, taking away toys means nothing either, he just finds something else to do (very resourceful lol). I use the 1,2,3 method, and find that it works quite nicely, and I very rarely spank using that. As a matter of fact, most times I say "1" and he stops what he is doing and continues counting for me, but it gets the job done.
I think the whole gentle parenting thing that is going on right now is ruining today's kids. they are worse now than they ever were. 12 year olds having sex, doing drugs, sassing their parents. That was unthinkable when spanking was a main source of discipline. I am not saying we should smack our kids around so they are scared of us. But they do need to fear consequences when they misbehave, and SOMETIMES they NEED a spanking.
Do you really think that spanking prevented young teens from having sex, mouthing off and doing drugs? I highly doubt it. I think we're generally more aware and lenient over things now. We've almost normalized those problems. They are presented with it everyday in the faces of celebrities and the media. No amount of spanking for a 2 year old is going to guarentee they don't have sex at a young age, do drugs, drink or get mouthy. That's crazy. Talking to your kids at an age appropriate level about these issues is what is going to help them grow up into responsible young people, not smacking them as babies.
I think you are missing the point. I dont think anyone spanks thier children to prevent mouthing, sex or drugs! The same can go the other way..do you think having a two year old sit in a corner will prevent these things? For you people that can raise your children without the spanking method then thats great but some people have a more difficult time with their children and time outs all the time do nothing. Once in a while a spank might settle them down. I dont use spanking as a usual form of punishment but have on occasion really less than 4 times in her 4 1/2 year life.
Also in response to the last comment, a two year old has no resoning and talking to them might make you feel better but they dont truly understand. They understand your voice tones of angrer and can gather that they are in trouble and did something wrong but your words might not mean much at this stage. I think I time out for a child under 6 or 7 would be more effective than a "talk". Remember they are children not little adults. So to sum up my view is that I woudn't use spanking (NOT SMACKING) as a first response but as a last resort.
I meant talking when they are old enough about sex, drugs and being mouthy...and just for the record, I think you underestimate just what children are capable of understanding. My son understands that he goes in time out for when he does something wrong and THAT is what calms him down, not a smack on the bum. Once he's calmed down and time out is over I'll say "ok so no more hitting/being rough/whatever or you're going back in time out. I've never hit either of my children and I don't think that it's ever appropriate or acceptable to do it even AS a last resort. I don't think any parent has any right to cross that line and lay a hand on their child for punishment.
First of all I really think you need to stop trying to make spanking as a form of discipline sound like it's abuse. There is a difference.
Some kids like Jaclyn said, do need a spank on the bum once in a while. I don't know of many people who use spanking as their primary form of discipline, but some children are more difficult to deal with than others, and all people learn differently, so while talking to, taking something from, or isolating a child may work for some, it's not going to work for all children.
I don't know if it is a lack of discipline that is going on with todays "tweens" or if it is a lack of communication and family time being spent together. People really have their priorities mixed it it seems and people just aren't talking to their kids like they used to, or should be doing. So I think that it is a combination of the two, because if you aren't communicating with your child, then you don't know what they are up to, or who they are hanging around with, and in turn you can't discipline a child (in what ever the manner be) if you don't know they are going down bad avenues in life.
i think that children do understand when you talk to them. they may not comprehend ALL the time but realistically that is the only way they will begin to understnad what not to do. you can't just put ina timeout or spank and expect the behaviors to stop. I just don't think that spanking is an acceptable form of punshment in society anymore. if your child went to school and acted out nobody would tolerate the teacher spanking them. It is kind of the same thing because in kindergarten they have timeouts/thinking chairs/mats.
The difference between you and I, anonymous is that myself (as well as other people on here) do find spanking to be a form of abuse. To me, any time you lay your hands on a child out of anger, frustration or as a form of "discipline" it's abusive. That's my opinion and last time I checked, I was free to express it. You are equally entitled to disagree with it, but please don't assume the role of policing and tell me that I "need" to think differently.
That being said, I feel very strongly that disicpline in the way of non physical means should start very early on by setting limits and boundaries and using techniques like time outs, loss of priviledge or toys or what have you, etc so that you don't even get to that "difficult" stage where you feel the need to hit your child to keep them in line.
Cindy, I am not trying to be rude here or start drama but I don't think you get it. Not all kids are like yours! And some kids are more hard headed, stubborn and persistent than others so they simply need a harsher form of dicipline than timeouts and talking. Like someone said earlier, sometimes kids need to know that enough is enough.
I am not trying to change your opinions at all. I just think you need to come out of your bubble and realize that not all kids are as easy as some who are. So before you accuse someone of abusing their kid I think you should step back. that is really rude and you don't know the circumstances.
I don't think I'm being rude and I'm certainly not trying to insinuate that my children are perfectly behaved because they most certainly are not. There is no way, no how you can convince me that the only way to teach a "difficult" child that enough is enough is to hit them. Hitting is not the way to teach anyone anything. If you hit an adult, you could be charged with assault, if someone else hit your child you would be outraged and would not accept it...so why is THAT wrong, but YOU hitting YOUR child is ok? To me, there is absolutely no cicumstance, no behaviour, no anything that justifies laying hands on a child. None. In MY opinion, it's abusive behaviour. You obviously see things differently and if that's my "bubble" I will gladly stay here. There's no need to be calling anyone rude for expressing a different opinion than yours. Just accept that you think spanking is ok and I do not.
most discipline books also even mention that it is not ok to hit a child and that usually hitting your child (or spanking!) is a grownup version of a tantrum! maybe some children are more difficult than others obviously but thats not necessarily a reason to resort to hitting. no child should be punished because they are more stubborn etc. anything will work if you are consistent enough but patience is the key.
My parents form of discipline was more of the take away first but I never received a time out in my life and we were only spanked on occasion when things got out of hand. I think I have turned out to be a loving, hardworking and very honest person and my sister is the same way. My friends are great people and were raised very similar with very loving families. I don't feel like I was abused in any way shape or form and would never accuse anyone else of abusing their child by spanking.
But Cindy I totally understand and absolutely respect the fact that you do not advocate spanking if you don't feel comfortable doing it. Like I said previously I do not resort to spanking very often at all. We do the count first and if that doesn't resolve the situation then its time out or take away a toy. Usually the 1-2-3 works and I would say we vary rarely get to three because she usually gets the point.
I love my kids very very much and wouldn't ever do anything in the world to hurt them and don't want to see any other child (or adult) to be in pain and suffer. To really sum up my opinion I don't think it should be a primary form of punishment but if properly executed a spank as a last resort isn't abuse and parents who feel that that was their option shouldn't be labeled abusers....because they aren't.
I totally agree with Jaclyn. Spanking was a last resort for me and my siblings when we were children and we all turned out fine. I would never agree that spanking is in any form abuse!!! I also do not agree with people who spank a lot or use it as their main form of punishment. The 1,2,3 method works great for me and if for some reason it does not work, a timeout would be next on my list. I have never spanked my children hard enough to leave any mark or pain. I have maybe spanked a total of 3 times overall. I dont think that will affect my children in any negative way!
19 comments:
Personally, I NEVER spank my children and I never will. I don't agree with it and I don't think that hurting your child is a good punishment. I think it only fosters their fear that if they misbehave, they are going to be hurt and I think it hurts their trust in you. That's just my opinion.
We do timeouts. Being removed from the situation and forced to sit still for 2 whole minutes is far more effective than anything else we've ever tried with Cole. At this point, we don't even need to give many time outs because just the treat of it is enough to make him shape up. That, and taking things away (favorite toys, tv priviledges, etc) helps drive the point home too.
i don't spank in my house. I have a no hitting rule that applies to everyone but i do use timeouts rarely if she is very worked up or on the verge of a fit I tell her to go sit down for a few min and then we talk about it.
I mostly use timeouts but I think it depends on the situation. If your kid is out of control and there is nothing you can do sometimes they need a slap on the bum to startle them back to reality.
Wouldn't swiftly picking them up and plunking them somewhere have the same result without hitting?
I agree that a spank on the bum sometimes is okay..I mean I wouldnt use spanking as my main form of punishment and I dont mean spanking them to hurt them, but to make them realize enough is enough and you are serious!
All children are different, timeouts do not work with my son at all, he could care less, taking away toys means nothing either, he just finds something else to do (very resourceful lol). I use the 1,2,3 method, and find that it works quite nicely, and I very rarely spank using that. As a matter of fact, most times I say "1" and he stops what he is doing and continues counting for me, but it gets the job done.
I think the whole gentle parenting thing that is going on right now is ruining today's kids. they are worse now than they ever were. 12 year olds having sex, doing drugs, sassing their parents. That was unthinkable when spanking was a main source of discipline. I am not saying we should smack our kids around so they are scared of us. But they do need to fear consequences when they misbehave, and SOMETIMES they NEED a spanking.
Do you really think that spanking prevented young teens from having sex, mouthing off and doing drugs? I highly doubt it. I think we're generally more aware and lenient over things now. We've almost normalized those problems. They are presented with it everyday in the faces of celebrities and the media. No amount of spanking for a 2 year old is going to guarentee they don't have sex at a young age, do drugs, drink or get mouthy. That's crazy. Talking to your kids at an age appropriate level about these issues is what is going to help them grow up into responsible young people, not smacking them as babies.
I think you are missing the point. I dont think anyone spanks thier children to prevent mouthing, sex or drugs! The same can go the other way..do you think having a two year old sit in a corner will prevent these things? For you people that can raise your children without the spanking method then thats great but some people have a more difficult time with their children and time outs all the time do nothing. Once in a while a spank might settle them down. I dont use spanking as a usual form of punishment but have on occasion really less than 4 times in her 4 1/2 year life.
Also in response to the last comment, a two year old has no resoning and talking to them might make you feel better but they dont truly understand. They understand your voice tones of angrer and can gather that they are in trouble and did something wrong but your words might not mean much at this stage. I think I time out for a child under 6 or 7 would be more effective than a "talk". Remember they are children not little adults. So to sum up my view is that I woudn't use spanking (NOT SMACKING) as a first response but as a last resort.
I meant talking when they are old enough about sex, drugs and being mouthy...and just for the record, I think you underestimate just what children are capable of understanding. My son understands that he goes in time out for when he does something wrong and THAT is what calms him down, not a smack on the bum. Once he's calmed down and time out is over I'll say "ok so no more hitting/being rough/whatever or you're going back in time out. I've never hit either of my children and I don't think that it's ever appropriate or acceptable to do it even AS a last resort. I don't think any parent has any right to cross that line and lay a hand on their child for punishment.
First of all I really think you need to stop trying to make spanking as a form of discipline sound like it's abuse. There is a difference.
Some kids like Jaclyn said, do need a spank on the bum once in a while. I don't know of many people who use spanking as their primary form of discipline, but some children are more difficult to deal with than others, and all people learn differently, so while talking to, taking something from, or isolating a child may work for some, it's not going to work for all children.
I don't know if it is a lack of discipline that is going on with todays "tweens" or if it is a lack of communication and family time being spent together. People really have their priorities mixed it it seems and people just aren't talking to their kids like they used to, or should be doing. So I think that it is a combination of the two, because if you aren't communicating with your child, then you don't know what they are up to, or who they are hanging around with, and in turn you can't discipline a child (in what ever the manner be) if you don't know they are going down bad avenues in life.
i think that children do understand when you talk to them. they may not comprehend ALL the time but realistically that is the only way they will begin to understnad what not to do. you can't just put ina timeout or spank and expect the behaviors to stop. I just don't think that spanking is an acceptable form of punshment in society anymore. if your child went to school and acted out nobody would tolerate the teacher spanking them. It is kind of the same thing because in kindergarten they have timeouts/thinking chairs/mats.
The difference between you and I, anonymous is that myself (as well as other people on here) do find spanking to be a form of abuse. To me, any time you lay your hands on a child out of anger, frustration or as a form of "discipline" it's abusive. That's my opinion and last time I checked, I was free to express it. You are equally entitled to disagree with it, but please don't assume the role of policing and tell me that I "need" to think differently.
That being said, I feel very strongly that disicpline in the way of non physical means should start very early on by setting limits and boundaries and using techniques like time outs, loss of priviledge or toys or what have you, etc so that you don't even get to that "difficult" stage where you feel the need to hit your child to keep them in line.
But hey, that's just me.
Cindy, I am not trying to be rude here or start drama but I don't think you get it. Not all kids are like yours! And some kids are more hard headed, stubborn and persistent than others so they simply need a harsher form of dicipline than timeouts and talking. Like someone said earlier, sometimes kids need to know that enough is enough.
I am not trying to change your opinions at all. I just think you need to come out of your bubble and realize that not all kids are as easy as some who are. So before you accuse someone of abusing their kid I think you should step back. that is really rude and you don't know the circumstances.
I don't think I'm being rude and I'm certainly not trying to insinuate that my children are perfectly behaved because they most certainly are not. There is no way, no how you can convince me that the only way to teach a "difficult" child that enough is enough is to hit them. Hitting is not the way to teach anyone anything. If you hit an adult, you could be charged with assault, if someone else hit your child you would be outraged and would not accept it...so why is THAT wrong, but YOU hitting YOUR child is ok? To me, there is absolutely no cicumstance, no behaviour, no anything that justifies laying hands on a child. None. In MY opinion, it's abusive behaviour. You obviously see things differently and if that's my "bubble" I will gladly stay here. There's no need to be calling anyone rude for expressing a different opinion than yours. Just accept that you think spanking is ok and I do not.
most discipline books also even mention that it is not ok to hit a child and that usually hitting your child (or spanking!) is a grownup version of a tantrum! maybe some children are more difficult than others obviously but thats not necessarily a reason to resort to hitting. no child should be punished because they are more stubborn etc. anything will work if you are consistent enough but patience is the key.
My parents form of discipline was more of the take away first but I never received a time out in my life and we were only spanked on occasion when things got out of hand. I think I have turned out to be a loving, hardworking and very honest person and my sister is the same way. My friends are great people and were raised very similar with very loving families. I don't feel like I was abused in any way shape or form and would never accuse anyone else of abusing their child by spanking.
But Cindy I totally understand and absolutely respect the fact that you do not advocate spanking if you don't feel comfortable doing it. Like I said previously I do not resort to spanking very often at all. We do the count first and if that doesn't resolve the situation then its time out or take away a toy. Usually the 1-2-3 works and I would say we vary rarely get to three because she usually gets the point.
I love my kids very very much and wouldn't ever do anything in the world to hurt them and don't want to see any other child (or adult) to be in pain and suffer. To really sum up my opinion I don't think it should be a primary form of punishment but if properly executed a spank as a last resort isn't abuse and parents who feel that that was their option shouldn't be labeled abusers....because they aren't.
I agree Jaclyn. Completely.
I totally agree with Jaclyn. Spanking was a last resort for me and my siblings when we were children and we all turned out fine. I would never agree that spanking is in any form abuse!!! I also do not agree with people who spank a lot or use it as their main form of punishment. The 1,2,3 method works great for me and if for some reason it does not work, a timeout would be next on my list. I have never spanked my children hard enough to leave any mark or pain. I have maybe spanked a total of 3 times overall. I dont think that will affect my children in any negative way!
Post a Comment