Broken Trust, Grandparent
My boyfriends mother rarely takes our daughter for an evening but she recently asked us and we agreed that she could stay one night out at her house. So we took her out Saturday afternoon and planned to pick her up early Sunday morning. Well, my boyfriend was speaking with his brother on the phone Sunday afternoon after our daughter had came home. He proceeded to tell Mike (my boyfriend) that him and his new girlfriend kept our daughter on Saturday night so that his mother could go in and get some stuff done at the office. I know that it mustve been his girlfriend who looked after Lily because I know that he has never been left alone with any children, never changed one, or even feed one. I mean hes great playing with her and stuff, but not to look after her. Oh and this girlfriend that was there, we have never met. All we know is what she looks like. I mean if she wants to keep our daughter why cant she stay home and keep her? I mean its not like we take her out there alot. She is 16 months old and has stayed out there 4 nights. So about every 4 or 5 months we will take her out to stay with her Grammy. I was really upset and thought that Mike should definitely say something to his mother, I mean she never even called to ask us before, she just left her. Personally I cannot see her keeping my daughter again as I think she broke my trust by leaving her. Mike thinks that I am overreacting. What would you do if you were in this situation?
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3 comments:
Any situation involving your in-laws is really tough, I know all about it! I would get your boyfriend to tell his mother that if you leave your baby with her, you expect her to be the one watching her. If she needs to go somewhere, then she should let you know before hand and ask if it would be alright to leave the baby with 'so and so'. If it is an emergency, she should get a hold of you and ask/notify you on the phone so you have a choice and a say. It is YOUR baby and you should ALWAYS know where she is and have the option of choosing her care. This is very important and if you let it go, your mother-in-law will continue to do as she pleases without regarding your authority as parents. If your boyfriend wont stand up to his mother (my husband is/was like that while we were dating and our son was a baby), then you'll have to either do it yourself, or inform your boyfriend that until he discusses this with his mother, you just can't leave the baby with her. Also, if the mother-in-law does anything like this again after you talk to her about it, let her know that you just can't let the baby stay with her anymore because it is important to you (in case of emergency or otherwise) that you know where you baby is at all times and have the choice of who she stays with. DON'T LET THIS SLIDE!!! And DON'T let your man talk you out of how you feel--you are justified for sure!
yeah I definitely think Mike should say something to her , but give her the benefit of the doubt and perhaps she didn't think you'd mind etc ..
Just get him to say something like " we heard that you let so and so watch lily the other night and we just wanted you to know that we're not comfortable letting someone watch her that we don't know , next time if you need to go into the office let us know and we'll come pick her up ...She should understand
I'm a huge "freak-er-out-er" so I would take what I have to say with a grain of salt. I'm would be LIVID if it were me and think you have every right to be really upset.
On a rational note, it's hard to put your partner in a position to fight your battles/concerns and it can really strain a relationship. If you are really upset about it you should speak to her yourself. Your trust was definetly broken but she may not see it that way. The best thing to do is to tell her that when she takes the baby you would prefer if she were to stay with your daughter for the entire duration of the visit. Just stay calm, cool and collected. If she does it again after you've specifically asked her not to THEN you can freak out LOL!
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