For some, the thought taking a baby or toddler out in public can be stressful. When you hear from two aisles over, the wailing of a tired toddler, or a child who can't have what they want, followed by the shushing of an embarrassed mother, you may not wonder why.
Most kids are well behaved as long as there is something for them to do, or the scenery is always changing. However, for sanity's sake, it's important to teach your child how to behave in public early on in life, and that eventually, they will need to learn how to be bored.
Start with the basics. Everyone knows that children learn firstly the words that they hear most often. If you show your child that 'please' is entailed automatically when asking for something, and 'thank you' followed by 'you're welcome' when it is received, they won't even need think about it by the time they can put the words together.
Taking your child out as often as you can, will help you establish that not only are we polite to one another, but also to strangers, like the waitress or the cashier. Taking them out, as often as you can will also allow you the chance to help them distinguish between home, and public behavior.
Most toddlers don't understand why they are suddenly not allowed to run around and wreck havoc, and there are not many who want to sit in a cart while mom chats to a friend at the mall for 10 minutes, let along sit in a highchair at a restaurant for over an hour. Offer your child something to eat while you eat, if they do not want to take you up on that, offer them one more option, like coloring for example. If your toddler turns that down as well, take everything away. Once, or if your toddler starts squirming around again to escape to highchair, offer the two options one by one again. Eventually he or she will get the point that those are the options and nothing more.
Some kids, on the other hand like to yell, or resort to yelling when they don't get their way. If your child becomes the loudest one in the room, ignoring them in a restaurant full of people just isn't an option, because as much as people should just understand, they don't. You can however teach your child that it is OK to talk, but yelling is simply unacceptable. Most toddlers don't react when Mom or Dad desperately tried to shush them. So start a game at home to teach your child the difference between inside, and outside voices. Even though it may be a cute game try to remain serious. Sit face to face with your child, say "inside voice", and talk or sing softly and quietly. Say "outside voice!" singing or talking loudly and freely this time. Your child will get the hint, and learn to recognize and associate the words. Of course your child may not always obey when you tell them to use their inside voice in public, which will require you to follow up with some manner of discipline, take your child out to the car for a timeout, and as many times as you need to.
One common problem in getting a child to listen to you lies deep with in the word 'no'. Once a toddler starts to walk around, and yank at table cloths, tries to climb the stairs, or is about to jam a little finger, we parents end up saying "no!" a lot! Not because they are misbehaving, but because we are trying to protect them from a potentially dangerous situation. So, try saving the word 'no' for when they are misbehaving only, and replacing it with, 'be careful' when they could be about to hurt themselves. It will make the word 'no' more meaningful to them, and when they don't listen to you, and you don't get there in time, resulting in a boo-boo, he or she will likely listen next time you say "be careful please honey".
Obviously, all kids are different, and as with anything though it works for one it may not work for all. But eventually, if you set rules, and provide a good example, your child will learn that when it's time for the family to go out together, they cannot run around just because they want to, and that yelling and throwing tantrums will not get them their way, and is not appropriate. Teaching them these necessities early on will help later when you are parenting a school aged child.
5 comments:
Distraction is always a good way to calm them down too. I know when we go grocery shopping, playing the "what is this" game works really well and he like to name everything on the shelves. Whenever we go to resturants, we bring one of his favorite toys (usually a little truck) and he plays with that and has a little snack like crackers or cheerios while we wait on our meal.
oh God. Just last week, I took my daughter to an Easter party (she's 21 mths). The party was inside, she wanted to play outside. When I took her in, she laid on the floor and started screaming. In the middle of the room, infront of about 100 people. Everyone says to just ignore it, but it's so embarrassing. And of course, I took her back outside.
Good Call lol
Micah is just starting to get to the fit phase, but what we do with him now is if we take something away at home that he should not have and he throws a fit I wait for him to get over it by himeself and find a toy he can play with. If I give him another toy to distract him it is like I am rewarding him for getting upset. Also, when he graps stuff in stores that he wants I don't always get it for him. My husband will say "well we can afford it" but he needs to learn that just because we can buy it doesn't mean we should.
What my psychology prof taught about disipline was that if they throw a fit out in a resturant or whereever take them to the car and sit with them until they are ready to behave (Micah is not old enough yet, his tantrums are not long and not in public usually). She said no matter how many times it take they need to know that one action always leads to another. If you ever are inconsistant they will know they can get away with it and continue to do it.
On politeness I find being an example yourself ifs the best policy. They learn from you and your manners. Anwyays... those are my thoughts...
That's right Robyn, consistency is key.
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