"I don't feel like I love my husband anymore, but we have 3 kids together, is it selfesh of me to want to leave him? The kids love him and they have a great relationship, but I am not happy in this marriage. I want out."
-Anonymous
12 comments:
Anonymous
said...
I don't think it's selfish to want to leave him if you're not happy. Your kids deserve a happy and loving home and if you're not happy it's not fair to them. They can still have a great relationship with their dad without living under the same roof.
I think it's selfish if you just leave. Your kids are worth more than that. You should at least give marriage counseling a shot. Why isn't he good enough anymore that you're not happy?
Counselling doesn't solve or fix everything you know. Sometimes a marriage just doesn't work out for whatever reason. One person doesn't have to not be good enough anymore. Why would you want to stay and be miserable? How is that going to do her kids any good, Amanda?
well she shouldn't have married him then, the point of a marriage is so your together a life time. I've woken up on days and asked myself what If? I made the choice to get married so I have no right to a what if, or else it's an abusive relationship or he has done something to betray there vows. We bring kids into the world, they don't ask to be brought here. So it's our job as parents to keep them happy and safe. Kicking dad out for your own selfish reason's are not good enough. Especially when you curl your nose up to professional help.
For me I believe kids are better off being from a broken home then living in a broken home,(Dr. Phil lol) so if you've tried every avenue to solve the problems and nothing is working then separating is definitely worth it. As you can fall into love , i believe you can also fall out of love but that doesn't mean that you two can't still be great parents who just don't live together.
Great points, Candace. Amanda, I think you're pretty disillusioned to how things can be. He doesn't have to beat the crap out of you or cheat on you to warrant a divorce. People change, grow apart, etc etc etc. Maybe he's military and is gone for months out of the year. Maybe he works until all hours of the night. Counselling doesn't fix everything...and maybe they've tried it. Maybe you shouldn't pass such harsh judgement when you have no clue what is going on in their lives hmm? We're not all lucky enough to live in a perfect la dee da world like you I guess...
hi everyone, i appreciate the feedback and advice... we have no yet tried counseling, and i dont think it's for me... i think that my kids would better from me being happy and im not happy now... i just cant help but feel guilty about it. thanks for the support everyone.
well i dont think its selfish to leave a marriage if you are not happy. counselling well it is not for everyone...some people like to try it some people don't..its not necessarily a prerequisite to make a marriage work. there are definitely sacrifices you need to make for your children but your happiness is definitely not one of them. like candace & dr phil said about the broken home...its true children know when they are not in a happy environment and really life is simply too short why make yourself miserable!
LOL-I think that it is too funny that one girl asked for an opionion and "Amanda" gave her honest answer and gets attacked for it...LOL...everyone handles different things differently and I thought that Amanda had a great point. I think even Dr Phil himself says that you try every avenue for the kids and that way you can even say, we tried everything and we just couldnt make it work. I think youve got the right idea Amanda...looks like this Anon girl needs the councelling because she sounds like a bully!
anonymous- nobody was bullying amanda, just making a point ok. we are not here to pick fights because lke you said a girl came here asking for advice...
if you are not happy.. and you can't work it out/be happy there, then no it is not selfish to want to separate. i myself am a single mom of a 1 1/2 year old with another one due in September. me and the dad are still great friends, and are both in our babies lives. i think as long as you can stay friends or even be (gently) civil to each other (AT LEAST) around the kids then that is what matters.
12 comments:
I don't think it's selfish to want to leave him if you're not happy. Your kids deserve a happy and loving home and if you're not happy it's not fair to them. They can still have a great relationship with their dad without living under the same roof.
I think it's selfish if you just leave. Your kids are worth more than that. You should at least give marriage counseling a shot. Why isn't he good enough anymore that you're not happy?
Counselling doesn't solve or fix everything you know. Sometimes a marriage just doesn't work out for whatever reason. One person doesn't have to not be good enough anymore. Why would you want to stay and be miserable? How is that going to do her kids any good, Amanda?
well she shouldn't have married him then, the point of a marriage is so your together a life time. I've woken up on days and asked myself what If?
I made the choice to get married so I have no right to a what if, or else it's an abusive relationship or he has done something to betray there vows.
We bring kids into the world, they don't ask to be brought here. So it's our job as parents to keep them happy and safe. Kicking dad out for your own selfish reason's are not good enough. Especially when you curl your nose up to professional help.
i'm not curling my nose up to anything
For me I believe kids are better off being from a broken home then living in a broken home,(Dr. Phil lol) so if you've tried every avenue to solve the problems and nothing is working then separating is definitely worth it. As you can fall into love , i believe you can also fall out of love but that doesn't mean that you two can't still be great parents who just don't live together.
Great points, Candace. Amanda, I think you're pretty disillusioned to how things can be. He doesn't have to beat the crap out of you or cheat on you to warrant a divorce. People change, grow apart, etc etc etc. Maybe he's military and is gone for months out of the year. Maybe he works until all hours of the night. Counselling doesn't fix everything...and maybe they've tried it. Maybe you shouldn't pass such harsh judgement when you have no clue what is going on in their lives hmm? We're not all lucky enough to live in a perfect la dee da world like you I guess...
hi everyone, i appreciate the feedback and advice... we have no yet tried counseling, and i dont think it's for me... i think that my kids would better from me being happy and im not happy now... i just cant help but feel guilty about it. thanks for the support everyone.
well i dont think its selfish to leave a marriage if you are not happy. counselling well it is not for everyone...some people like to try it some people don't..its not necessarily a prerequisite to make a marriage work. there are definitely sacrifices you need to make for your children but your happiness is definitely not one of them. like candace & dr phil said about the broken home...its true children know when they are not in a happy environment and really life is simply too short why make yourself miserable!
LOL-I think that it is too funny that one girl asked for an opionion and "Amanda" gave her honest answer and gets attacked for it...LOL...everyone handles different things differently and I thought that Amanda had a great point. I think even Dr Phil himself says that you try every avenue for the kids and that way you can even say, we tried everything and we just couldnt make it work. I think youve got the right idea Amanda...looks like this Anon girl needs the councelling because she sounds like a bully!
anonymous- nobody was bullying amanda, just making a point ok. we are not here to pick fights because lke you said a girl came here asking for advice...
if you are not happy.. and you can't work it out/be happy there, then no it is not selfish to want to separate. i myself am a single mom of a 1 1/2 year old with another one due in September. me and the dad are still great friends, and are both in our babies lives. i think as long as you can stay friends or even be (gently) civil to each other (AT LEAST) around the kids then that is what matters.
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