"My children's grandparents on one side, rarely see the kids. I'm talking like 3-4 times annually. They only live about 20 and 40 minutes from us (they are divorced) yet they rarely come visit them. Is it my responsibility to bring the kids to them to visit, or should they come to my home and see them?"
Anonymous
10 comments:
I don't think it's any parents responsibility to ensure that relatives see their children. I think that if having a relationship with the children is important enough to the relative then they can come see them or invite you all over to visit. You don't owe them any visitation time and they don't owe you any either.
When I was young I rarely saw my own grandparents and I really resented the fact. I guess that is why it bothers me so much. It just irks me that they don't care to see them, because they are missing so much.
When it comes right down to it though, it's their loss.
I am in the same situation, I call the other grandparents once in awhile, but if they want to see him, its up to them. We have made plans in the past, and they continuisly broke them. I feel bad that they will never get to know him, but like Cindy said, its their loss. Unfortunately because they never see him, when they do visit, he has no interest in them, you'd think that would be a hint?!
Thats exactly what happens in my situation. The kids don't even want to look at their other grandparents because they literally dont know them. And with the other set, they run right over to them and want hugs and kisses. They see them about once a week. I know it is their own loss. I just feel like what is more important?? Considering they are both retired!!!! I have never had them break plans on me but that is why I wondered if maybe they expect me to bring the kids to see them.. that they are afraid of intruding or feel that they need to be invited? I don't know...
I am in the same situation. My parents are great and would probably fly around the world to see our kids but my husbands side of the family barely makes an effort. Well his parents are divorceed and his mom lives in Ont. but she calls and sends presents so thats great because she is showing an effort but his dads side only sees them when we take them.
I grew up with my family being close on both sides so I find it difficult that they dont make much of an effort. When we are there they act like super grandparents but when we leave its nothing until the next time we take them. I got fed up and told my husband we aren't doing that anymore and he aggreed because it was hard on him. even when we lived 20 mins from them they didn't come except for one birthday party. Thats just the way they are and its true that it is thier loss. My kids are happy and when they are older if they choose to be more proactively involved with that side of the family then they can.
Hi Ladies, I too am in a situation like this one!! My boyfriend and I have a 17 month old son and my mother sees him regularly, however my father does not and that doesnt bother me because him and I dont have a close relationship since my parents go divorced. However.....my bf's parent live almost 1 hour away and I feel like the constantly want us to come see them..and this is hard on us and the our lil one. I mean once in awhile is fine, but it upsets him and his routine. I jsut dont understand why they cannot make the effort to come up here unstead of always making the comments that they never see him. I know its their loss but i guess in someways i feel as though my son is missing out too!!
Well, I am really glad that I am not the only one worried about this issue. I don't even know what it is about it that bothers me so much, maybe it IS that I feel like my kids are missing out, I just don't know. I agree with you about having to always bring the kid to the GPs house. I get that alot when it comes to ours as well. We bring them to dinners or what ever is going on, and I end up sitting the the TV room for 2 hours with cranky kids.. They just goo over them for the first 2 minutes and then it's "see ya!" and they dont help out, and I never eat a warm meal.. Not fun. So hubby and I decided after the last ordeal that we are either going to get a sitter (usually my parents) and or not go at all. It's not worth the hassle, or the stress, just so they can pinch their cheeks and then forget them the rest of the night. If they want to spend time with them, they can come see them, where they are happiest and most comfortable and that is at home.
My mother lives literally across the street from me and my child, and she never comes over. If she does, it is realllly late at night when my child is asleep.
My bio father has met my child about 4 times during the second year of her life, but not since (but we never had ANY relationship bc he and my mother seperated before I was even born.)
The other GPs live in the next province, yet they see the child at least twice a year. *(Last year it was ridiculous bc they saw each other about 7 times, bc of a big family crisis, and other things that came up unexpectedly.)
I feel bad for my child bc I never had a relationship with any of my relatives, and it really hurt me.
I don't want for my child to ever feel unwanted by them. Her not just feeling but actually being unwanted and unloved by teen aged half siblings is bad enough.
I'm feeling a lot of fight or flight at the moment.
I think that as long as they know they are welcome to visit you, and that you would welcome their attention on your child, that's all you can do. If they decide not to come, that's their loss. As for your child feeling "unwanted", as long as they have other family/friends that support and love them, they will not miss out on anything!
Post a Comment